tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68400696279018203872024-03-14T04:51:26.483+10:30Seventies BabyA gloves-off perspective of womanhood, parenting and modern family life in a world obsessed with being perfect and politically correct. This is neither but it's real and it's raw and parental guidance is recommended.TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.comBlogger124125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-18232358463027901202016-09-29T14:19:00.000+09:302016-09-30T19:48:52.602+09:30From Headache to Intensive Care - A Lesson in Trusting Your Instinct<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Mum, I’ve got a headache”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It was a reasonably innocuous declaration for a typical
Sunday evening and I treated it that way, initially.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Ok hon. Well, lay down next me and have a rest”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As he lay there, wincing, I went through my tried and tested
‘Mother Triage’. No temp, no swollen or tender glands, no rash.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Is there anything going on at school tomorrow that you’re
worried about?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“No. But Mum, it’s REALLY bad. And my head is super itchy!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Oh. God. No. Itchy head = lice. Lice = my greatest fear (at
that point). I begin, somewhat frantically, combing through his hair like a
gorilla. It’s a totally clean, non-infested head. So I give him a dose of
Panadol and have him rest his itchy, sore head on my lap while I wait for the
paracetamol to take effect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">An hour later and he’s still hurting. And wimpering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“It feels like there’s a war going on inside my head Mum.
Like I’m being punched from the inside.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Hmmmmm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I sat and watched my youngest son, screwing up his face in
apparent pain as he lay on my lap. He’s not one to complain unnecessarily BUT
he is known for his drama. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Ok, so what else do you feel? Can you see properly?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Yes. I mean, no. I mean I can see straight ahead but it’s
fuzzy all around the edges.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Anything else?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“My ears are ringing. Really loud.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I sighed. I was looking forward to heading to bed early
after TWO nights out in a row [unheard of these days] and now it looked like I
had a late night ahead of me. I left him on the couch while I put my shoes on,
grabbed some water and my phone charger and put my coat on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“What are you doing?” asked Mark.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“I’m taking him in to emergency.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“What? For a headache?? Why don’t you just call a locum and
wait to see what they have to say?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“I don’t know. I just really feel like he needs to go to
hospital. I feel like we need equipment or something to have a look at him.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mark frowned but he was used to me following my instinct,
particularly when it came to our kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Ok. Drive safe and let me know how you go.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have to say that bundling Stefan up in the car, just after
9pm on a cold Sunday night did seem a bit over the top for me too. I second
guessed myself the entire way to hospital and continued my questioning of
Stefan at every moment. In fact, I got close to almost threatening him with
hospital, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Do you still have your headache Stefan? Because we’re GOING
TO HOSPITAL you know and I’d HATE TO GET THERE and you suddenly tell me it’s
gone away and then I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Yes Mum. I still have it and it hurts so much. Oh and my
head is soooo itchy. I can’t stand it Mum!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So I park the car and head into emergency. I almost
apologetically tell the triage nurse why we’re there but I find more confidence
when I tell her that I just feel that something is not quite right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have always believed in the power of intuition and it has
never been stronger in me than since becoming a mother. I think that’s largely
due to the innate sense of protectiveness and hyper-vigilance that seems to
kick in once a baby starts growing inside your guts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If nothing else, then this story is evidence that my
instinct to trust my instinct is right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The triage nurse did not bat an eyelid when I told her why
we were there. She didn’t look at me like I was an overprotective mum or a
fruitcake or someone there to waste her time. She didn’t make me feel like an
idiot. She processed me quickly and efficiently and sent me straight through to
paediatric emergency and within minutes we were ushered into our own bay and
another nurse was asking what brought us to her on this cold Sunday evening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As I repeated my story, she wrapped a Velcro band attached
to a monitor around Stefan’s insignificant tri-cep as he lay on the bed and
waited to record his blood pressure, all the while chatting to us about the
symptoms that caused us to head in to emergency. She measured once and then
turned the machine off and on again, repositioned the cuff and measured again.
She asked how long he’d had his headache for, any other symptoms… y’know, the
usual palaver. Then she excused herself with a sigh and returned with a manual
blood pressure monitor. The kind you pump up with your hand and measure with a
stethoscope and clock.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“<i>That’d be right</i>” I thought begrudgingly to myself “<i>The
fucking machine is faulty</i>”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Of course, there was no rational reason for me to think
that. I had never come across a faulty machine during any of my trips to
hospital previously but it was Sunday night and I was tired and I was still
second guessing myself for being there at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The nurse excused herself AGAIN (“<i>what the fuck is she
doing? Is she new? I don’t want to be here all night!</i>”) and returns about 8
seconds later with a doctor in tow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“<i>FINALLY… some proper medical attention!</i>” my mind roars as
my face feigns holy mother patience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The doctor is calm and gentle and speaking to me like I’m a
mental patient which at the time just seemed like a very reassuring bedside
manner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Hi” he says smiling kindly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Stefan has quite high blood pressure and we just want to
check some things out” he says gently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Oh, I see” I say, though I don’t see at all. What does he
mean ‘high blood pressure’? Can kids get high blood pressure? And so what if
they do? He’s probably just a bit anxious about being in hospital. Don’t talk
to me about high blood pressure, tell me what’s wrong with his head!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And then the world kind of tipped a bit as I notice, during
my reverie, that the nurse is frantically writing down all of Stefan’s details
[blood pressure levels etc] which in itself is not unusual. Nurses in emergency
departments are always recording their patient’s details and statistics aren’t they?
The correct answer is ‘yes’ but it was WHERE she was writing them down that caused
a momentary lapse of reason in my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She was writing his obs, in pen, ON THE BEDSHEET of the bed
just by his feet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>What the fuck is going on here??</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Meanwhile, the doctor is still calmly speaking to us all
like Stefan has a runny nose and simply needs a box of tissues.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Are they ready for us next door?” he gently asks the nurse
writing on the bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Yep, they’re waiting”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And just like that, they’re wheeling Stefan’s bed out of
paediatric emergency and straight into an area called ‘RESUSC’ [that’s short
for resuscitation people!] where two nurses and 750 monitors are waiting,
expectantly for our arrival.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Shit. Just. Got. Real.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Hello Mum” one of the nurses says kindly as they both buzz
around the bed placing sticky pads all over Stefan’s, suddenly, tiny frame
“What’s your name?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It feels surreal for me to answer all the questions as I
watch every move they make and follow their lead on tone and behaviour. My
Stefan is the kind of kid that was born incredibly tuned in to the universe.
Some would call him an ‘old soul’ and others may even tag him as a young
‘empath’. I’m not sure what to call him but he has always shown an innate
accuracy when it has come to reading the mood of a person – and sometimes even
an animal! I knew that he was looking to me for reassurance and guidance on how
he should be responding to this very unusual and intense medical attention. So
I did what any good mother would do and flat out lied to his face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“This is totally normal hon. Every kid with a bad headache
ends up in here. You’re FINE.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But he wasn’t fine. He was very, very far from fine. The
doctor explained that a boy of his age, health and size should have a blood
pressure reading of about 95-100 over 60-70. Stefan’s current BP was 230/150. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He was going to explode.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“We’ve been liaising with the renal consultant on call and
have organised a bed in the Paediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) at Women’s
and Children’s” the Calmest Doctor On Earth explained to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Renal?? He’s got a HEADACHE and HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.
There’s nothing wrong with his kidneys! Why are you liaising with a renal
specialist? And why have you organised a bed at WCH? If I wanted to go there I
would’ve taken him there. I like this hospital.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Don’t ask me why I was digging my heels in on that. I’m a
bit closed minded on some things. I brought him to the hospital he was born in.
I like it. I know it. Now they want me to go a hospital that I don’t know or
like. But I have no choice. It is the only hospital that has a PICU. And it’s
where the paediatric renal unit is situated. Why renal? Because, I have since
learned, that any time a child has high blood pressure or hypertension then it
is AUTOMATICALLY an indication of kidney issues. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“FINE. I’ll take him there then.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“Ummmm…. YOU can’t take him anywhere. We’ve organised the
MedStar team to collect him. He needs a doctor to travel with him.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And at 3am that is exactly what happened. A team arrived
with transportable monitors and wires and flanked my little boy’s stretcher as
they wheeled him into the icy night and through the back doors of the waiting
ambulance. The roads were quiet at that time on Monday morning and we had a doctor on-board so thankfully, this wasn't an emergency requiring the sirens. There was no room for me in the back so I rode up front with the
very reassuring driver and heard, for the sixth time (at least) that night,
just how important it was that I acted on my instinct to take Stefan into
hospital.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">“So if there were no other symptoms, what WAS it that made
you decide to bring him in?” was the question I was asked repeatedly throughout
our time in hospital. My answer has always been the same. It was quite simply a
feeling that something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t normal. It wasn’t one
thing but a combination of things that led to a deep uneasiness within me. And
even though I second guessed myself the entire way in to hospital, I still kept
going because I would rather be turned away for being over-vigilant than hate
myself for all eternity for not listening to my gut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I will forever be grateful to the very first nurse that met with
us who caught the symptom immediately. Not satisfied with what she was seeing,
she triple checked herself before referring it further. The whole process took
less than half an hour from when she first said hello to being ushered through
to RESUC. She didn’t falter, she didn’t panic and she didn’t cut corners.
That’s what you want on your medical frontline. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">From that very moment I have not been able to fault the
medical care my son was given. In the three days that we were residents of PICU
we came across an insane number of doctors, nurses and specialists. Stefan was
seen and ultimately cleared by a cardiologist, ophthalmologist and
endocrinologist all under the management of an entire nephrology team. He had a
new nurse every shift who monitored him around the clock and their ‘handovers’
were conducted with the efficiency and detail you would expect for someone
requiring intensive care. I know because I stood at the nurse’s station and
listened to the reports and observations for every single handover. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Nothing was left to chance. As he adjusted to the
frightening amount of daily medication required to suppress his screaming
hypertension, he had a CT scan, a nuclear scan and an MRI. His blood pressure
was monitored by a line that was inserted directly into his artery and
connected to monitors which were checked every hour on the hour. They took
urine samples, blood samples and saliva samples. They monitored his oxygen
levels, his fluid intake, his heart rate and his neurological responses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As uncomfortable as it was sitting (literally!) at the
bedside of my son for days on end, there was nowhere else I would rather have
been. I knew that we were in the best place for the safety of my son and the
confidence that I had in the care he was receiving was everything that I could
have hoped for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So… WHAT was the problem?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Well, as it turns out, we have discovered that Stefan has
one kidney smaller than the other (likely born that way) and therefore not
operating at its full capacity. After a week on the ward, he was discharged as
a renal outpatient and now lives a ‘normal’ life thanks to taking three
separate medications morning and night to manage his high blood pressure. We
visit the renal unit in hospital regularly where they keep an eye on any
changes and readjust medications accordingly. The prognosis is that he will
require medication indefinitely, however we have already reduced it several
times as he levels out and I have faith that we will continue in this direction
until he is on an absolute minimum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Which all translates to him being just fine. But from big
dramas, life lessons grow! And I’ve got a few pearlers, just for you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">First up is an obvious one. <b>TRUST. YOUR. INSTINCT</b>. Listen to
your gut. When nothing makes sense, act. Do not wait. Do not fear over reacting.
The message I got loud and clear from every single medical person I have come
across since that night, is that my action saved my son’s life. A life that I
had NO IDEA was in jeopardy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The second one is also reasonably typical. <b>SEIZE THE DAY</b>.
Spending days and nights in hospital with nothing but your suddenly sick child,
the clock and heart monitors to look at is particularly sobering. There were a
lot of thoughts that began with “IF we get out of here…” which thankfully
progressed to “WHEN we get out of here…” and ended with all different versions
of “I’m going to take the family on holiday/spend more time/be more present/work
less/be more patient/eat better/be more active…” You get the drift. Since
everything has settled down, I have indeed done a lot of those things and we’re
all feeling better for it. But I know I shouldn’t have to wait for tragedy to
nearly strike before I’m reminded of all those things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The last one is a lesson taught to me by my 9 year old son.
<b>SURRENDER</b>. It would be no surprise to any of you that a child has a very
different perspective to danger than a grown up does. During those days in
hospital we were learning new things about his condition hourly. When I heard
new, scary things my mind went to some very dark places and my knee-jerk
response was to take over. I needed to SAVE my child. I needed to PROTECT him.
I needed to FIX him. But whilst Stefan was taking cues from me, I was also
taking them from him. When he learnt new, scary things – he was calm. He didn’t
go anywhere dark. He listened, understood, processed and laid himself bare. The
lesson I learnt from him is that there is a peace in surrendering to
vulnerability. His innocence and his faith in those that knew more than him
kept him calm [which incidentally is very important when you have high blood
pressure!] and they kept him positive. He went through some really confronting
and terrifying things but he didn’t second guess them and he didn’t overthink
them. It was truly an education in attitude and self-preservation which I am
grateful to him for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And hopefully, this is the last time I’ll ever have to learn
those lessons.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-6614668597389705592016-02-01T09:29:00.000+10:302016-02-01T09:29:22.111+10:3014 things to know about sick kids<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Eleven years and two sons in, I know a few
things about sick kids. First and foremost – they are inevitable. No matter
your lifestyle, diet or culture, your kids will get catch something, probably
from another child, and get sick. Your best chance to survive their childhood
is to be prepared.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MUuN3lP_YdQ/Vq6QAzWkCnI/AAAAAAAABJw/NXowoPgy3XM/s1600/boys%2Bsleeping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MUuN3lP_YdQ/Vq6QAzWkCnI/AAAAAAAABJw/NXowoPgy3XM/s400/boys%2Bsleeping.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By being prepared I mean I reckon every
parent needs the following in their arsenal at all times: age appropriate
paracetamol [Panadol] and ibuprofen [Nurofen], an age-appropriate and
recommended anti-histamine, hydralite icy poles or sachets, bandaids, the
number of an out-of-hours locum doctor, a reliable GP or local medical clinic,
a list of any medications your child may be allergic to, a bucket, Glen-20
anti-bacterial spray, a thermometer and a thick skin.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you’ve got all that, then you just need
to remember these tips and you may get through the year without wanting to run
off into the bush to escape all germs for the rest of your lives (though I
promise that will cross your mind at least once when you’re drowning in the
fifth virus your child[ren] have brought home that school term).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. They get sick at the worst times</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Right before a big event or just as you’ve
booked an important work meeting or your bi-annual pap smear are the times that
children are most likely to get sick. You can count on your plans being
completely fucked at least half a dozen times a year and you can double that
number with each extra child you have. You can’t plan for it either. Just don’t
think you’re anything special when it happens to you. You’re not. You’re just a
parent. Suck it up and cancel those plans buddy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. It’s always worse at night</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This seems like pure sorcery doesn’t it?
Kids can go from just being a bit flat and lethargic to a full-blown ebola
outbreak the moment the sun goes down… or you fall asleep – which ever comes
first. I don’t really understand the science in this. Perhaps there isn’t any
but there really isn’t any escaping it either. If your kid is showing signs of
illness during the day, then bunker down for the evening. This includes making
sure you have enough medicine [yours and theirs] before the shops shut [learnt
THAT one the hard way!]<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Infections come on REALLY fast</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is another disturbing realisation.
Bacterial infections multiply at a rate of knots in kids. It’s almost scary.
I’ve watched my son complain of ear pain to having TWO burst eardrums in a
matter of hours [at night of course]. The best thing you can do if you suspect
an infection is to get a doctor to prescribe anti-biotics as soon as possible.
Because as fast as those infections come on, the drugs seem to stop them just
as quickly. Symptoms of any infection include: localised pain, fever,
drowsiness, rash and extreme whingeing. In younger, non-verbal children they
will often indicate where the infection is by pulling at or rubbing that area.
In older children/husbands there may be declarations along the lines of “I
think I’m dying.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. Panadol will become your best friend</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh Panadol, how do I love thee? I have used
age-appropriate doses of Panadol since my children were tiny babies. The
effectiveness with which it stops a fever in its tracks is astounding and the
most help a parent can get when their child is really sick. My eldest hated it when
he was little though and would bring it up every time I gave it to him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>TIP:
doctors recommend that you DON’T redose your child if they bring up their
medication as you can’t be sure of how much they did ingest, risking overdose. </i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I would not be thwarted though! They make Panadol in suppository form. *<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">cunning smile*<b> </b></span>You know what
that means right? Any time my son’s fever was too high or he was in pain from
infection [throat, ears etc] I just popped him on the change the table and gave
him a little paracetamol pressie. Yep, right up the kazoo. My husband couldn’t
do it [soft] but I was the master… and ruthless!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. You can give paracetamol and ibuprofen
at the same time</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is a big tip and one that I’m
surprised many parents are unaware of. You can give your child paracetamol [Panadol]
AND ibuprofen [Nurofen] within the same dosage period. Eg, let’s say you give your
child the correct dose of Panadol and after about an hour they are still in
pain and/or their fever has not reduced. You can then give them the correct dose
[within the usual Panadol dosage period of 4 hours] of Nurofen AS WELL. You DO
NOT have to wait. They are two completely different medications and are often
used concurrently by medical staff in hospitals. In fact, that’s where I first
learnt about it. I have since confirmed it, regularly, with specialists, locum
doctors and my own trusted GP. This is incredibly valuable information and
could make all the difference during a night of sheer hell. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. Locum doctors are travelling angels</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have had the best experience with on-call
locum doctors. When my kids have been really sick outside of normal consulting
hours travelling locum doctors have come TO MY HOUSE and carried out their
consultation at my kid’s bedside. It is a sensational service and I highly recommend
it. One doctor even let my youngest sleep through the entire consultation as he
checked his ears and temp and listened to his breathing when he was really sick
one night. It was seriously amazing and I would have hugged him if we weren’t
both kneeling on the carpet in a lamp-lit bedroom in the middle of the night…
#awkward. They often have at least a couple of doses of anti-biotics in their
bag of tricks that will get you through til morning and the peace of mind they
bring without having to traipse into an emergency department is worth its
weight in gold. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7. The emergency department is hell on
earth in the middle of the night</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have seen the emergency department in the
middle of the night many times in my parenting life. It is never fun. I am usually
there for HOURS, waiting, with any number of other parents with their sick
kids. There’s screaming and crying and sleeping in every corner of the waiting
area. All parents are processing their own internal triage to try to suss out
where their kid sits in priority to others. There are lots of hot babies in
nappies and singlets sitting on their parent’s lap. There are prams everywhere
and exhausted adults and nurses who have seen it all before. Probably just last
night. I get all OCD in emergency departments and won’t let my kid touch
anything public that I haven’t wiped down first and when I get home I change
them out of anything there were wearing in hospital in case they’ve brought
home meningitis combined with gastro and polio. This is why, unless it’s an
actual emergency, I call out a locum instead.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8. Back rubbing is certain</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh the back rubbing that goes on when your
child is sick. “Rub my back, Mum” is the chant of the sooky child. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">9. Losing sleep is inescapable</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Expect to lose lots of sleep and prepare
for it. Go to bed early yourself if you can. Make sure all medicine is easily
accessible and all syringes/medicine cups are clean for the midnight run. If
your child has gastro [oh that hideous, hideous thing] do as I do and set up
camp with a bucket in the lounge room. They’ll be chucking their guts up about
every half an hour so settle in for a night vomitous hell.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">10. Fevers can be scary</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My kids have never actually convulsed from
their fever but they do get a bit twitchy and glassy eyed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything over 38 degrees and I go in HARD and
fast to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>try to get it down as soon as
possible. This includes stripping them down to underwear and placing a cold
flannel on their forehead and pulse points if required. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">11. They won’t want to eat</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Kids will listen to their bodies and will
tell you when they’re hungry. If they don’t want a meal, don’t force it. Keep
them going with crackers, jellies, mild fruits like watermelon and soups. Let
them guide you, within reason but remember the most important thing is to keep
them hydrated. A dehydrated child can get into trouble very quickly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">12. Gastro often presents at both ends</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At the same time. It can be a total,
revolting, explosive nightmare. The best way to tackle that, if your child is
toilet-trained, is to pop them on the toilet when they’re ready to spew and let
them vomit in a bucket while it comes out the other end straight into the loo.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">13. Mother’s instinct is a diagnostic tool</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You know your child. Trust that. I can tell
when my kids are getting sick before they even know it. I also know what
they’re susceptible to. One runs hot and one runs cold so their fever
temperatures are different. I will happily question a doctor’s diagnosis if I’m
not happy with it and will seek a second opinion without a blink of an eye. <i>You
know your child</i>. If all you’ve got to go on is that they just don’t seem right
then go with it and don’t stop until they’re right again. Better to err on the
side of neurosis, I always say.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">14. Kid’s germs travel</span></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They will cry on you and sneeze on you and
dribble on you and even vomit on you. The amount of germ-infested body fluids
that you will be covered with will be hard to avoid. All I can say is wash your
hands as much as possible. Don’t share pillows or cutlery and wash all the bed
linen and towels as soon as possible without being a nutcase. But know that
even with all possible precautions made, statistics show that you will get at
least half of your kids lurgies every year. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just pray their father doesn’t get
them too. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-39062738889084339232016-01-01T16:59:00.000+10:302016-01-01T16:59:38.526+10:306 New Year Resolutions I will not be making<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fF9LpSxsdJg/VoYabi4Cb6I/AAAAAAAABJg/Wfz50RbZEXg/s1600/tania%2Bproblogger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fF9LpSxsdJg/VoYabi4Cb6I/AAAAAAAABJg/Wfz50RbZEXg/s400/tania%2Bproblogger.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In previous, younger years, I made new year
resolutions with gusto. Of course they were virtuous and admirable and ridiculous. Now that I’m
older and the number of fucks I give has hit an all-time low I am very happy to
announce that I will not be making any of <i>these,</i> previously broken, new year resolutions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>1. I will not drink so much</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well that’s utter bullshit. If this year is
anything last year I will drink just as much. If not more. I may aim for more
than one alcohol free day a week… or maybe a fortnight. Oh who am I kidding? I am writing this on New Year’s Day, sitting
by the pool drinking a Rosso Antico on ice. Life is too short and stressful for
AFDs and I’m certainly not going to start the year with one.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>2. I will exercise more</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ummm… I know I should be doing this. I
know. But I have actually made and broken that resolution every year for the
last two decades. I’m not so much well-intentioned than just a flat-out liar.
If exercise means I will spend more time window-shopping and increasing my
typing fitness then maybe. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>3. I will not swear so much</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fuck. That. Shit<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>4. I will cut down on caffeine</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Bitch please. I did that twice in my
life. And both times I was growing a person in my guts. Ever since I pushed
those people out I’ve been exhausted so I think I have done my caffeine-free
time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>5. I will quit sugar</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No I won’t. I will not quit sugar. Not this
year, not any year. I simply can’t quit sugar. It’s in my wine which I’m not giving up
and I like my coffee strong and sweet – just how I like my men BTW. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>6. I will lose weight</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hello? Have you read a word I’ve
written? I’m not going to exercise, I like my daily coffees sweet and my wine
plentiful. Unless I have another body part removed, I can’t see me reducing
weight any time soon.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I tell you what I will do. I will continue
to not give a fuck. I will continue to write. I will continue to be the best
friend, wife, mother, daughter and sister I can be. I will continue to find
contentment in the smallest things [because I’m too lazy to search for
something more]. I will continue to feel good things about myself and the
decisions I’ve made. I will continue to follow my [expanding!] gut. I will
continue.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So Happy New Year. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Have you made any
resolutions that you’re planning to break?</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-34735770793350458592015-11-13T15:08:00.002+10:302015-11-13T15:08:56.619+10:30Parenting 101: A memory that became a lesson<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My son is spending the day with his new
teacher and class-mates today at his year 6 induction day, which is kind of a
big deal in his life so far.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He goes to a school that has students from
Reception through to Year 12 and the school is split into Primary School,
Middle School and High School. Year 6 is the first year of Middle School so
he’ll be graduating from Primary School this year with a real graduation
ceremony and everything. It’s all a bit strange to me but both my kids seem to
enjoy the structure of the school and so far it’s been a very positive
experience for all of us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The thing is, Nathan has a really tight
posse of mates. REALLY TIGHT. Most of them went to kindergarten together and
then started school at the same time. TOGETHER. They learn together, lunch together,
walk together, play club-sport together, Skype together… you get the picture.
And for Nathan, that’s extremely important. He’s the kind of kid who, despite
being incredibly popular, really values the dynamic of having a small handful
of close friends. So when he discovered yesterday that ALL of his mates were
heading into one class and he was heading into another, the rug was pulled out
from under his world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And oh god how I felt for him. He was SO
upset. Dejected and confused and then really worried about what lay ahead for
him, especially because there is a huge intake of new [and potentially scary!]
kids in Year 6. I talked calmly and sensibly and made all the right soothing
noises but I was panicking inside. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why did they do this to my son?? How could
they do this to him? How will I fix it?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I spoke to a couple of very wise mum
friends who talked me off the ledge and I realised something significant.
Nothing needed to be fixed. This may be well be the poster child for a ‘first-world
problem.’ He just needed to understand how to manage it. I remembered my own quest
to raise a resilient kid and I remembered how resilient I was when I was
younger. Through necessity sure, but the end result was pretty decent. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I reminded Nathan that friendships don’t
only live in the classroom but out on the oval and in the playground and on the
footy field. I told him he would be fine and that he would be lucky enough to
meet some new friends and when that didn’t work, I sat on the edge of his bed
and quietly told him of a very special and important story...<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>When I was growing up, a looooong time ago,
there was only Primary School and High School and they were two different
schools. In different places.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>High School started in Year 8 and the first
time I met my new teacher in my new school with my new class-mates was on the
first day of school.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>I was SO NERVOUS. There was only one other
girl, called Tara, from my Primary School in my class who was very nice but she
wasn’t one my ‘friends’. Of course I sat next to her anyway but I was terrified
that I wouldn’t have any friends in my new school.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>I sat there quietly and watched as
everyone’s name was called out for role call and they had to go up to the front
of the class to collect something from our new teacher. I can’t remember what
that something was but my surname started with B so I was one of the first
people who had to go up the front. It was horrible! But over quickly and then I
just sat and watched everyone else.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>After some time the list got to W and I
watched this girl, who I’d never seen before obviously, walk up to the front of
the class. She was so confident! The boys in the class were saying silly things
because boys are silly…<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>"No we’re not Mum!"<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Well, SOME boys are silly and they were
saying silly things to this girl [What I didn’t tell him, is that her
windcheater had a picture of Mickey Mouse on it and the word Mickey printed
randomly all over it. That was during the era that people in our neck of the
woods called sperm/cum/ejaculation ‘mickey’ and those bastards were saying
‘ooooh she’s got ‘mickey’ all over her top”!] but she did not flinch! She
didn’t rush and she didn’t fidget and she had no apology in her step.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>I watched her and I thought to myself ‘THAT
girl is going to my friend” and by the end of the day, we were friends.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>"Yeah, that’s pretty cool actually. What
happened next?"<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Well… THAT girl is your Aunty Ilka that I’m
STILL friends with today and if I hadn’t been alone that day I may not have
noticed her. If I had all my Primary School friends with me, I may have only
been with them and not had room in my heart for Aunty Ilka. <b>Sometimes these
scary days turn out to be the best things that could ever happen to you.</b><o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>"Thanks Mum."</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And just like that, my first day of high school became the gift that keeps on giving. A life-long friend AND a lesson in parenting.</span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7igSauwj0Xc/VkVpJOB1EaI/AAAAAAAABJM/xbMNrQWniMs/s1600/ilk%2Band%2Btan%2Bgreece.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7igSauwj0Xc/VkVpJOB1EaI/AAAAAAAABJM/xbMNrQWniMs/s640/ilk%2Band%2Btan%2Bgreece.jpg" width="419" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-79143547603387276232015-10-29T17:05:00.000+10:302015-10-29T17:05:12.363+10:3015 things I have learned in 15 years of marriage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uk_hhmdCY-g/VjGg-XdmKrI/AAAAAAAABI8/EEoc6OWV8tU/s1600/leaving%2Bthe%2Bchurch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="325" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uk_hhmdCY-g/VjGg-XdmKrI/AAAAAAAABI8/EEoc6OWV8tU/s400/leaving%2Bthe%2Bchurch.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fifteen years ago this month, I got
married.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He wasn’t my first love and he wasn’t the
first man I ever fantasised about marrying. Because I’m the girl that
fantasised about being a Mrs Somebody ever since I knew that was a thing. And I
still have random pages, from decades ago, of doodles with Tania ‘surname’ signed in curly, girly
writing with the ‘I’s dotted with love hearts.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But as it turned out, and luckily for me, he was the only man
who ever actually asked ME to marry to him. And, obviously, I accepted. And we
lived happily ever after.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Except not really.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because over fifteen years ‘happy’ comes in
waves and marriage looks a lot less like a fairytale romance and a lot more
like real life and real life looks a lot like hard work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But then nothing good comes easy… or for
free.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was raised by a single mum so I had no
real life experience in marriage. The closest married role models I had were my
grandparents, the one uncle that stayed married and my friend’s parents… and
not all of their unions were what you would call ‘wedded bliss’. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I’m sure you’ll understand that my
pre-married life was not awash with any useful advice. Other than to find a
‘good man’ and marry him. Of course, a ‘good man’ is hard to define and so for
years I didn’t understand that I had, in fact, found one. Years and years.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My husband is a good man. He’s a good
husband and he’s a great father. He is more than I could have ever hoped for in a life partner and our marriage, surprisingly, is one of the good ones. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But everything I know about marriage, I learnt
on the job… and the hard way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>1. Wedded Bliss is not real</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even on the actual wedding night, we were
too tired to bliss out and our definition of bliss changes as we grow. Sometimes
it looks like time all by yourself because you feel so secure in your
relationship. Other times it looks like a Sunday afternoon laying by the pool
together while the boys jump in repeatedly trying to one-up each other. During
ratings season it looks like sitting on the couch together drinking wine and watching zombie
heads explode or gratuitous scenes of sex and violence in Westeros.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>2. Growing old together is a blessing</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I watch my husband’s health like a hawk. I
need him around and healthy for at least another decade. Parenting is a tough
gig and though I’m confident that I could, I have no interest or desire to do
it on my own. I’m also too lazy to have to find another man. All that having to
look your best and shaving is just so exhausting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>3. Passion is neither everything nor everlasting.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>4. Your marriage must have room for your
friends. </b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Always. There has to be another port in the
storm for each of you. Someone who knows you, loves you and understands what’s
important – but doesn’t want to root you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>5. You can go to bed angry</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And still be ok the next morning. Sometimes
all you both actually needed was some sleep. Being tired makes everything a
million times worse and sometimes grown-ups are just like toddlers and really
just need a nap. Adulting is so tiring!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>6. A man is not an island</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unless they are an orphan or a migrant or
in the witness protection program. But in my case, my man came with a family.
Which is good for babysitting but not so good when shit goes down. Especially
if it goes down in both extended families at the same time. That's when having a wine business comes in handy. Faaaaaark.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>7. You can’t ever change your partner but you
can teach them</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All it takes are three words 1. Actions 2.
Consequences 3. Consistency. Remember, grown-ups can be just like toddlers!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>8. Play to each other’s strengths – not their
weaknesses</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>9. Learn the art of compromise</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This one was a tough one for me but it
became much easier once I jumped in the deep end of compromise and became a
mum. Now I’m compromising all over the place. Bastards. What about me?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>10. Use Portfolios</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Share the load without resentment. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In our house we have what look like
figurative portfolios which makes our expectations of each other very clear.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me</i> – school, clothes, inside, social,
shopping, cooking<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Him</i> – kids sport, cars, outside, bills, rubbish,
maintenance<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Shared</i> – parenting<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Outsourced</i> – nowhere near enough…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>11. Two toilets</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The key to a happy marriage is not having
to book in toilet time. Especially when your partner takes so fucking looooooong.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>12. Don’t sweat the small stuff… most of the
time</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So he never puts the shopping away. Or makes the bed. He also never mistreats me. Or gives me reason to feel unloved. The small things he doesn't do will never outweigh the enormous things he doesn't do.</span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>13. Babies will not fix a marriage in trouble</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But they can make you love your partner
more. So much more. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>14. Familiarity does not always breed contempt</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Listen up. This is a big one. I am a different woman today than I was fifteen years ago. My priorities are totally different. As are my opinions, intolerances, acceptances and boobs. Growing alongside someone in a safe and secure environment helps all the good emotions develop and as you grow, so does your love. It may look different - 'cause it's all wrapped up in someone else's 'stuff' - but that's the magic of togetherness. My love for him has changed. It's deepened and grown and the more familiar he is to me, the more I love him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>15. We're all in the same boat</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It may look like your friends are doing the whole 'life' thing better than you are. Maybe they are but they're probably not. Everyone has their challenges and every relationship has their ups. And downs. Some stuff I know we don't do anywhere near as well as our friends do. Some stuff I know we do far better. Sometimes I feel like we're happier than anyone we know and sometimes I feel like everyone else is living a fairytale and we're in a nightmare. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's the thing about these long-term relationships. You get to experience ALL the emotions in them. Love, jealousy, boredom, temptation, commitment, fear, grief, joy, exhaustion, elation, confusion and adoration. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And my most favourite - <i>gratefulness</i>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-48608131169857375112015-10-03T10:08:00.000+09:302015-10-03T10:08:06.002+09:30Dear Mother of All Boys
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--p2O_y4bBJ8/Vg8hr6iOGpI/AAAAAAAABIU/4R7wQ5rrFME/s1600/mother%2Bof%2Bboys.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--p2O_y4bBJ8/Vg8hr6iOGpI/AAAAAAAABIU/4R7wQ5rrFME/s400/mother%2Bof%2Bboys.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dear Mother of All Boys,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I see you there, with your tired eyes and
heart bursting with love. You are a mix of exhaustion and gratitude and pride.
Just like all other mothers but something about having all boys, sets you
apart. Just a bit. There’s something about only having sons that changes the
mother experience. I know this because many of my friends are mothers of all
boys. I know this especially, because so am I.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s not something that is easy to put a
finger on but there is certainly something special about having a family full
of sons. From what I can tell, the dynamic is different than in the families of
only daughters or those with both sons and daughters. And the perspective
definitely is. Years of managing testosterone will do that a woman.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People will say ridiculous things to you. “I
don’t know how you cope! Boys are so… boisterous/loud/energetic/difficult. You’ve
got your hands full! You need a daughter” They will dress it up as if they are
sharing knowledge, but they don’t know anything because those people are almost
definitely not mothers of all boys. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If they were they would understand having
all sons does not mean that the family is incomplete without a daughter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They would understand that yes, the days are
loud in a house of all boys. The volume level can reach insane,
shut-the-fuck-up heights from playing and cheering to all-out arguing but that
only makes the quiet time so much more precious.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They would understand that the very same
boys that try to actually physically destroy each other for such heinous acts
as touching each other’s stuff, changing the tv channel in the middle of a show
or teasing each other for missing a goal will also spend hours side by side
watching a movie or playing PS4. Often in the same day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V7DRwoxXBpc/Vg8jHBlHb4I/AAAAAAAABIs/mSJ4NtATelI/s1600/pj%2Bbrothers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V7DRwoxXBpc/Vg8jHBlHb4I/AAAAAAAABIs/mSJ4NtATelI/s400/pj%2Bbrothers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are a lot of balls in your life when
you’re a mother of all boys. There are quite literally balls everywhere. In our
household we have basketballs, footballs, soccer balls, tennis balls, bouncing
balls, cricket balls, petanque balls, billiard balls, ping pong balls, marbles,
ball-bearings and testes. Yes, I mention testes because in our house one can
not mention ‘balls’ without a snigger, smirk or all out guffaw from the boys.
Balls=testicles. All day. Every day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The washing line is full of jocks and socks
and there are grass stains on all the pants knees. We go through fifteen litres
of milk a week and a box of band-aids every month. Grazes, cuts, burns,
splinters and blisters all feature heavily around these parts. And just for the
record… boys do cry. Big rolling tears, often mixed with sweat that drop onto
mum’s shirt as she holds her crying son to her bosom. “Oh my God! Mum said
‘bosom’! Bahahahaha… that is SO wrong Mum.” Boobs=hilarious. All day. Every
day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Farts are extremely popular. Smelling them,
doing them, pretending you didn’t do them and making fake fart noises using
ANYTHING are also hilarious. Interestingly, flushing the toilet is not popular
at all. Probably because most of the wee doesn’t make it into the actual bowl
anyway. There is piss on the floor. Constantly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mothers of sons and daughters will look
upon you with a mix of pity and admiration as they can only imagine that your
job must be twice or thrice as hard as hers is in your family of boys because
her boy is possibly the troublesome one in her household. But for many reasons
boys with only brothers seem to level each other out rather than egg each other
on. Except for when they are actually egging each other on… that shit happens
constantly and it NEVER ends well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The competition is relentless in a family
of all boys. There has to be a ‘first’ for everything. First to the car, in the
shower, to leave the table, ready for school, in the pool, to the end of the
street, to finish a game. And when they’re not competing they’re daring each
other to jump, to taste or to climb. Often these dares or competitions end in a
fight or tears or both but then it’s forgotten. Boys don’t hold grudges… for
long.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7lW0dYKuxgM/Vg8ia4WrqhI/AAAAAAAABIc/eyxyg_1dNCI/s1600/brothers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7lW0dYKuxgM/Vg8ia4WrqhI/AAAAAAAABIc/eyxyg_1dNCI/s400/brothers.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are no real mood-swings. Yet. There
are only two moods. On and off. And despite what many may think about boys
communicating, there’s A LOT of chatter. Sometimes too much… just like in other
families.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My boys are messy and smelly even though
I’ve taught them to put their stuff away and they shower every day. They have
massive feet and sinewy legs and I can see their ribcage even though they eat
constantly. They seem to be endlessly moving but when they stop I can still see
the babies they were. They can’t help but gravitate to either one of their
parents when we sit on the couch at night together and they are most
comfortable resting their head on our shoulder or wrapping their long, skinny legs
around ours. Boys may be boisterous but they’re affectionate too and there’s
nothing sweeter than seeing a boy that isn’t afraid to cuddle their mum and dad
especially after a tough a game of contact sport.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having all boys seems to reduce the risk of
subconsciously stereotyping. There are no gender specific behaviours in our
household because there is only one gender [Mum doesn’t count. She is
genderless. She is just MUM] So the boys cook and clean and pick flowers and go
clothes shopping and listen to music and dance. There is no ‘daddy’s little
girl’ or ‘princess’ or ‘mummy’s boy’ or ‘little man of the house’. There are
just sons and brothers.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KlFpC8a1oEw/Vg8i5FfWk9I/AAAAAAAABIk/NYC2Z0NfF7Q/s1600/IMG_0578.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KlFpC8a1oEw/Vg8i5FfWk9I/AAAAAAAABIk/NYC2Z0NfF7Q/s400/IMG_0578.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there’s something about watching
brothers together that warms my heart. Of course I know plenty of sisters who
are close with their brother [I’m one of them!] but maybe it’s because I feel
so strongly about MY brother that I’m so happy that both my sons have a brother
too. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dear Mother of All Boys, I want you to know
that I LOVE my all-boy family. They teach me so many things all the time and
I’m positive that being immersed in a world of testosterone and male energy has
made me a better woman. It’s tiring and exhausting and there’s piss all over
the bathroom floor but it’s also complete and chockablock full of gorgeous
boyish love. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Plus, I save a fortune on hand-me-downs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-14838980978088675272015-09-30T23:17:00.000+09:302015-09-30T23:17:03.905+09:30The Playdate V2.015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZDDhclfM1uw/Vgvl-471YzI/AAAAAAAABH8/ngXT9DaQE7w/s1600/IMG_0594%2B-%2BVersion%2B2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZDDhclfM1uw/Vgvl-471YzI/AAAAAAAABH8/ngXT9DaQE7w/s320/IMG_0594%2B-%2BVersion%2B2.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We didn’t have playdates when I was growing
up. We just went to our friend’s houses. Our mums often didn’t even check if
that was ok with each other… or if they were even home. I’d leave the house on
my bike [without a helmet] and say “I’m going to Liz’s” and Mum would say “ok”
and that would be the entire logistical arrangement for the visit. Then when I
arrived at Liz’s, unexpected but welcome nonetheless, we would tell her mum
“We’re going to Allison’s” and she would say “ok” and off we would go. And at
some stage [before the street lights came on] we would all end up home again. Tired
but happy and already wondering what and who the next day had in store for us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Kids from the neighbourhood would turn up
at our front door, bold as you like and say “Hi, is Tania home?” and if Mum was
in the mood, she would welcome them in and direct them to my room or the
backyard or wherever I was and we would just hang out. There were no
activities. There were no pre-prepared snacks. If we complained about being
hungry Mum would tell us to have a piece of fruit or make a sandwich. Chips and
packaged snacks were party food so there was never any of that in the house and
if there WAS some, it was for special guests. Not bratty kids just dropping
around hoping to freeload the ‘for special guests treats’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When we were kids, fronting up at a
friend’s house uninvited was so normal that we didn’t care if we were welcome
or not. If they weren’t allowed to play that day, we accepted that and moved
on. We then decided for ourselves whether it was worth trying another friend
nearby or whether we should just head home. And every day we developed
resilience. Being turned away from friends’ and neighbours’ homes were gentle
and appropriate rejections that strengthened our emotional muscle. I never
understood the importance of those rites of passage. Until today.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My eldest took himself off to his own
playdate today. For the first time. In his ten years of living. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I watched him ride off down the
street, with nothing but his tennis racket on his back I felt a twinge of
anxiety. I’ve written about <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/04/letting-go.html" target="_blank">letting go</a> before so these <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/02/already.html" target="_blank">feelings are nothing new</a>. Except they are. Every time he takes another step toward
independence there is a new feeling in my heart. Every time he makes another
decision without my counsel I see his chest grow with the breath of the man he
is becoming. I watched him overcome his own anxieties too. He did a dry run
before the main event earlier in the morning and yesterday he asked me to drive
past his friend’s place so he knew exactly where it was and how to get there.
As he was preparing to leave at precisely the time we had worked out he needed
to in order to arrive punctually [VERY important to this child] he ran through
his own checklist with me “So Mum, this is the way I’m going to go [explains,
in detail, his route]. It should only take me about 3 minutes [yes, he's THAT precise]
shouldn’t it? And then I’ll come back the same way… but how will I know it’s
time to leave?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whoa. At that moment I understood that
there are so many important lessons in independence that our ‘new’ way of
parenting is robbing our kids of. How can I expect my boys to make the right
choices, when they are not given enough opportunity to make any at all. If I am
making all of their social arrangements, for example, without their involvement
what are they learning? Until today, I would tell him when we need to leave,
drop him off and tell him when I would be back. Until today, I’m certain he
paid no attention to any of that. He just went on his merry way until such time
as I returned to collect him or his friend’s mum brought him home. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The way things were done when I was a kid
weren’t altogether right, by any means, but I don’t reckon the way things are
done today are either. I’m looking for the sweet spot in the middle of the two
for my lot.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So today, for the first time ever, I made arrangements with his
friend’s mum ENTIRELY by text. I didn’t send him off with a drink and BYO
snacks. I didn’t settle him in and tell him when I would return. I texted the
mum when he left home and she texted me when he arrived. It was ALMOST like the
way we used to do ‘playdates’ back in the day. Almost.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">#babysteps<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-36537516742900886382015-09-17T11:19:00.000+09:302015-09-17T11:29:29.535+09:30My Week With a Mitsi<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SJgbiQ8GMGc/VfoFkiu9RXI/AAAAAAAABHU/9mjV3T6g98M/s1600/IMG_8589.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SJgbiQ8GMGc/VfoFkiu9RXI/AAAAAAAABHU/9mjV3T6g98M/s320/IMG_8589.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST</b></span></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last week my friends at Mitsubishi let me
take their latest ASX to test drive. I had done some work with them through my
REAL job and made such a song and dance about how much I loved the car that
they thought I should get up and close and personal with it, if I wanted.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Um. Yes. I wanted.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I picked it up on Monday and gushed and
got all excited ‘cause I haven’t driven a new car for about nine years and even
though this wasn’t a sponsored post I had grand plans of sharing some escapades.
Just for some fun.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But then the universe reminded me that I’m
a mum. And I’m not allowed to have fun.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2dhyD5KvI7w/VfoGEcIKcgI/AAAAAAAABHk/590gVh6lEs0/s1600/IMG_8586.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2dhyD5KvI7w/VfoGEcIKcgI/AAAAAAAABHk/590gVh6lEs0/s320/IMG_8586.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The youngest was home sick with me for the
rest of the week and he was clingier than glad wrap. I went nowhere in those
days, except for the doctor. The weekend was full of me babysitting my godson
and attending children’s parties and an incredibly exciting grand final game of
football for my victorious eldest which kept me close to home. No escapades
then either. But that’s cool. Once I palmed off the kids on Monday I had BIG
plans. Tunes, coffee in the hills and my selfie stick.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Except on Sunday night, gastro came to
visit my eldest boy and I spent the ENTIRE night up with him. How much chuck
can a ten year old chuck if a ten year old could chuck, chuck?? Fuck. Me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So on Monday I was in a walking coma. And
clearly wasn’t driving anywhere.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tuesday was better but I had shitloads of
work to catch up on after the 24 hour spew-fest so I didn’t leave the house
except to walk the youngest to school.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wednesday was the day I needed to return
the sexy beast and I decided I would at least take it for a quick fang up the
freeway to see how the baby handles. And then I saw it. Some bastard had EGGED
THE MITSI! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Or3iLfiS-1k/VfoFtRrIrdI/AAAAAAAABHg/69y7w_mp13g/s1600/IMG_8585.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Or3iLfiS-1k/VfoFtRrIrdI/AAAAAAAABHg/69y7w_mp13g/s400/IMG_8585.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who even does that? What a waste of an egg.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It took me TWENTY MINUTES and a whole lot
of elbow grease to get that hardened shit off the car. So now I only had 45
minutes left until my scheduled return. No coffee in the hills then.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ever the optimist, I cranked that stereo
[digital radio, yes please], opened the sky roof and drove like I was single,
young and on the run.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zoIhsLkS_2k/VfoGN9eI-zI/AAAAAAAABHs/MSZfzdeJGpE/s1600/IMG_8588.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zoIhsLkS_2k/VfoGN9eI-zI/AAAAAAAABHs/MSZfzdeJGpE/s400/IMG_8588.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hit a comfortable 100kms on the outside
lane of the freeway and was just settling in to my micro road trip when the
unthinkable happened.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A mother duck was shepherding her five little
ducklings across my lane.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What the what now??? Is this shit
happening? So the song is true. Five little ducks really did go out one day…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you know those ducklings were just not listening
don’t you? Oh I felt Mother Duck’s pain. I could almost hear her quacking “Stop
fighting! You have to waddle quicker. You’re going the wrong way. There’s a car
coming! Hurry up! Do you want a peck? You’re going the wrong way! FFS - THERE’S
A CAR COMING!!!! Where the fuck is your father?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I did what any fellow mother of the
sisterhood would do. I checked my rearview mirror to make sure the lane was
clear and I stopped my car. At 100kms. On the freeway. And Mother Duck looked
me in the eye with a barely perceptible nod which I mirrored. In solidarity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve ALL been there Mother Duck.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Continuing on my way I hit the Heysen
Tunnels and sexy beast says ‘You’ve already got too many things on your mind, I
got this’ and just turns the headlights on for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Automatically. Love it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hit picturesque Stirling and then make my
way back. I’m gunning it on the freeway
on-ramp, because you all know it’s there so you can hit the freeway at the
right speed right? And I am at the required speed to enter and the lane is free
and just as I hit the broken line which indicates the END of the on-ramp some <s>fuckhead</s>
motorist decides to switch lanes. Into that free lane. Just as I’m about to
enter. And THEN has the audacity to beep and flash ME for trying to do so. What
is wrong with people??? This is how road rage happens. I was raging. On the
road.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I have to enter the freeway from
basically 10kms p/h and get to it 100kms p/h in about 3 seconds flat. I had the
pedal ON the floor and Sexy Beast was not happy, but came up with the goods
anyway. Thanks Sexy Beast and I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings when I was
screaming at you to ‘GO! Fucking go!’ I was stressed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But then I was calm again and the tunes
were playing and the sky was passing by above me and the car really handles
well. It's smooth and new and the sky was above me and the speakers were working and my bum was toasty warm because of the carseat warmers. Oh yes. Sexy Beast has ALL the bells and whistles. It uses almost NO petrol. Or maybe that was me. 'Cause I didn't bloody drive it anywhere...</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was sad to return to it but loved the
time I had and the boys were pretty chuffed that I was driving a Mitsubishi and
told ALL the kids and teachers at school. Just so they could say ‘It’s a Mitsi’
over and over and OVER again. </span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well played Mitsubishi.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-14872641598894529602015-09-11T12:23:00.000+09:302015-09-11T12:23:21.731+09:30How to Host a Soccer Party<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ObbHb7yxMWI/VcicUqhEgeI/AAAAAAAABD0/Q8Xns_CTAxI/s1600/IMG_8134.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ObbHb7yxMWI/VcicUqhEgeI/AAAAAAAABD0/Q8Xns_CTAxI/s320/IMG_8134.JPG" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My gorgeous youngest son turned eight this year.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unlike his brother, he LOVES a good party. Especially his. He's just like me really. In his time he has had a Diego inspired Mexican party, an animal party, <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2012/08/how-to-host-grubby-garden-party.html" target="_blank">garden party</a>, a <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2012/08/how-to-host-superhero-party.html" target="_blank">superhero party</a> and a reptile party.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This year he wanted a soccer party. And when my son asks me for a themed party I swing into gear quick smart. Because themed parties keep my motor ticking.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MjpTgNATLBY/VcidA5eGvII/AAAAAAAABEA/dQYyGPujFI4/s1600/IMG_8128.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MjpTgNATLBY/VcidA5eGvII/AAAAAAAABEA/dQYyGPujFI4/s320/IMG_8128.JPG" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I did some searching and found these online printables on ETSY. <a href="https://www.etsy.com/au/listing/99769070/soccer-birthday-party-invitations?ref=shop_home_active_12" target="_blank">SIMONEmadeit</a> had a full kit which I could buy and the edit/print at my own leisure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I started with the invitations which I sent in co-ordinating black envelopes and the theme was set!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">insert pic of invitation</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When everyone arrived they all received their own VIP guest pass which they loved! The printable was part of the pack I bought and then I went to <a href="http://www.officeworks.com.au/" target="_blank">OfficeWorks</a> and bought the lanyards from there. </span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IB6KVC-_t48/VemIRlqFZbI/AAAAAAAABGY/blAXBpdshgg/s1600/IMG_8092.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IB6KVC-_t48/VemIRlqFZbI/AAAAAAAABGY/blAXBpdshgg/s320/IMG_8092.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I always get my printing done at Office Works. They're quick, convenient and the quality is always spot on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having just hosted an <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2015/04/how-to-host-afl-birthday-party.html" target="_blank">AFL Party</a> in April, I already knew how I was going to cater for a group of boys.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stadium Food!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The party was from 2pm-4.30pm so it was after lunch and before dinner but 8 year old boys use up a lot of energy and get starving every twenty minutes. So I served up hotdogs, hot chips, pies and sausage rolls. They all had their own water bottles and there were lollies, chips and popcorn to snack on during the afternoon.</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EbzsJhpdRnI/VcidLWyl01I/AAAAAAAABEI/-PXu0UOkqnE/s1600/IMG_8129.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EbzsJhpdRnI/VcidLWyl01I/AAAAAAAABEI/-PXu0UOkqnE/s400/IMG_8129.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having a winter holiday is always touch and go and the weather in the lead up to the party was shitful so at the last minute we decided to hire an air-hockey table which we set up under the carport. Together with the soccer table and the front yard there was plenty for the kids to do. I also had FIFA ready to go on the PS4 but it didn't even enter their minds. LOVE IT!</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-toATIQ-O1xs/VfJAiEnMA4I/AAAAAAAABG8/6WZMkb0C7Wk/s1600/IMG_8140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-toATIQ-O1xs/VfJAiEnMA4I/AAAAAAAABG8/6WZMkb0C7Wk/s320/IMG_8140.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The special request for the cake was an actual soccer ball. Like a round ball. That was never going to happen. So I hired a cake mould from <a href="http://www.completecake.com.au/" target="_blank">Complete Cake Decorating Supplies</a> and bought some white buttercream and some black colouring. </span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--x3ipbf_5jk/VcibuvVKVhI/AAAAAAAABDk/HPGOCfIoDAk/s1600/IMG_8130.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--x3ipbf_5jk/VcibuvVKVhI/AAAAAAAABDk/HPGOCfIoDAk/s400/IMG_8130.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also picked up some sugared, edible soccer decoration for the cupcakes. I've mentioned before that I don't let the kids eat the cake I make. It's because I always have two parties for my kids and I need the proper cake to last for both of them! So they all sing around the cake and then I serve them cupcakes. They all think it's a bit weird. I think it's genius. The cake mould took two Betty Crocker vanilla cake mixes and I made the cupcakes from one Betty Crocker Devil's Food mix which I decorated with green coloured coconut grass and a soccer ball topper. One discerning party guest declared them "the yummiest cupcakes EVER!" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When they left they all took home a little lolly bag and their VIP lanyard.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then the whole <strike>catastrophe</strike> family came over for dinner and we ate the soccer cake.</span></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-39954300865856404722015-09-04T17:17:00.001+09:302015-09-04T17:17:25.486+09:30A Few Good Men - The Other Fathers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZDYSMpA4O8g/VelLLQxi98I/AAAAAAAABGI/EprD3VyWc28/s1600/looking%2Bbehind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZDYSMpA4O8g/VelLLQxi98I/AAAAAAAABGI/EprD3VyWc28/s320/looking%2Bbehind.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I grew up without a dad. Most of you
already know that. I have written about it many times. Sometimes just a <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2013/08/memory-melee.html" target="_blank">memory</a>. Sometimes a <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/dear-dad.html" target="_blank">letter</a>. And sometimes just a mention here or there.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It wasn’t always easy but it wasn’t
catastrophic either. Of course, my Mum had a lot to do with that. She was our
Mum and our Dad and <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/11/i-was-raised-by-single-mum.html" target="_blank">she did an incredible job</a>. In many ways I believe I
have grown to be the woman I am BECAUSE of my absent father. But that’s a whole
other blog post!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So today, on the figurative eve of Fathers
Day in Australia I am writing about the ‘other’ fathers in my life. The men
that taught me all the good things that I needed to learn about all those dad-things.
My experience has taught me that fathers come in many forms and wherever I can
I like to acknowledge and celebrate that. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Uncle Arthur</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The most constant male role model in my
young life was my Mum’s younger brother Arthur. I’ve written about him before
<a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/a-man-called-uncle.html" target="_blank">here</a> but what I want to say about Uncle Arthur is this. He was only ever
in my life as an Uncle and only part-time, as Uncles tend to be. My Opa [his
father] died when I was very young and my other Uncle, Marcel, lived away so
Uncle Arthur became the ‘man’ of the family by default. He would never have
admitted it. That was just the way he was. But he did all the ‘man’ stuff
required for the family. He moved the furniture and serviced the cars and fixed
the houses. He was gruff and scary when he was grumpy. You did not fuck with my
Uncle Arthur. But he was a strong and caring man who taught me many things,
without even trying, about what life could throw at you and how best to dodge
the shit. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was also pretty cool. One night, driving down Marion Rd in his Buick
[he had THE COOLEST cars] a carload of <s>hoons</s> excitable young men pulled
up next to us at the lights. I was in the front passenger seat and they started
revving the engine of their souped up <s>piece of shit </s>car and yelling out <s>lurid
comments </s>compliments at us. Uncle Arthur smiled at them and turned to me
and said ‘You ready?’ ‘Yep’ I answered wide-eyed and unsure of what I needed to
be ready for. And then the lights turned green and it was on like Donkey Kong.
Those poor <s>bastards</s> blokes didn’t know what hit ‘em. It was
exhilarating. He was shifting gears like a racing car driver and had his
signature look of determination on his face. I was so excited that I was
squealing and giggling and being totally not cool. At all. And then he slowed
down and laughed and his dimples seemed deeper than ever. Like a little boy. As
a girl I never understood the treasure that moment was. But as a woman, when I
remember that time, I see how it impacted me. It has stayed with me for thirty
years so far. He showed strength and fun and vulnerability and an unwillingness
to back down that I’m sure made a mark on me. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He has his own kids and grandkids
who have missed him every day since he died eight years ago. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know they will feel his absence this Fathers
Day, as I do too, but they are so fortunate to have had that man as their
father for the years that they did.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>My Step-Dad Sal</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mum started dating Sal when I was a
teenager. Before Tinder and RSVP.COM you had to meet people in person. Often by
chance. I remember the day she came home and told me that she had ‘seen’ this
man who worked a couple of boutiques down from her. “He’s GORGEOUS!” she gushed
and I rolled my eyes. I was a teenager – that was the standard response to
anything my Mum said. So their relationship began like a fairtytale. Really.
They courted and went on dates and there was this new man in our life who had
never been married or had his own children. But nothing phased him. He stepped
into our ready-made family with a willing and generous heart. The relationships
between my brother and I and Sal developed naturally and organically and as a
result he has become the most present male in my life. He rode in the car with
me and walked me down the aisle at my wedding. And then he handed me over [with
enthusiasm and relief probably] to my husband. He only just managed to get
through his speech as father of the bride because he cried like a baby. Really.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1nDgV4E4rQ4/VelJpkHCzRI/AAAAAAAABF0/iCzJnc7gp68/s1600/tan%2Band%2Bsal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1nDgV4E4rQ4/VelJpkHCzRI/AAAAAAAABF0/iCzJnc7gp68/s400/tan%2Band%2Bsal.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When something is absent from your life for
such a long time, it’s often hard to recognise that you ever really needed it…
or missed it. I managed to build quite a thick skin when it came to yearning
for any kind of paternal support or contribution to my life. I just figured I
was surviving without it, so couldn’t really need it. The simple logic of
youth. But having such an engaged step-father softened me. He taught me the
virtues of good, reliable men and he restored my faith in their existence. After
years of going without, I finally had someone else to lean on. And his
shoulders were so broad that he could take everything I threw at him without
buckling. I can’t tell you what that does to a young woman’s self-esteem,
because I don’t really know. What I do know is that I’m confident my opinions
of men in general changed, for the better, because of my relationship with Sal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My sons are his grandchildren as if bound
by blood. He was at the hospital while my first son was being born and then in
the birthing suite with my mum when he was less than an hour old. My boys call
him Nonno and even though they know he isn’t my ‘real’ dad, to them there is no
‘realer’ grandfather. So they are second generation Australian with a French,
Dutch-Indonesian, Ukrainian heritage and an Italian grandfather. #mongrels.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I was growing up, we celebrated my Mum
on Fathers Day. It just seemed appropriate. But then she got married to my
replacement Dad and it’s always been Sal’s day ever since.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">My father-in-law John [JP]</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss JP. His death five years ago has
left one of the biggest holes in my life. I hit it off with JP from the moment
I met him. Truth. When Mark brought me home to meet his parents for Christmas
dinner, JP poured me a vodka shot and we immediately fell into a rhythm with
each other that stayed with us until, literally, the day he died. Even on his
actual deathbed when he was beyond words and I gently cooled him with a damp
cloth during his last hours, I felt our connection. And I had already begun
missing and mourning him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s hard to explain exactly what it was
about him that I resonated with so much. By all accounts he was a kind man who
worked hard and liked a joke or three, but it wasn’t that. I met him the year he
retired so he was very present and perhaps that helped lubricate our
relationship. He was always just around. Helping Mark out around the house,
fixing and renovating and gardening. He helped set up the liquor store and then
when we sold that he helped out in the warehouse – packing up orders ready for
freighting. He knew all our staff by name and they all loved him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mark spoke to him nearly every day and that
really made an impression on me. They touched base on everything. Family issues
and developments. Church politics. International politics. What Mark was
‘wasting’ his money on that week. What Mark was ‘neglecting’ that week. If he
ever called and I answered the phone, he was happy and willing to talk to me
before and sometimes in lieu of Mark. He’d also happily tell me what I was
‘wasting’ money on or ‘neglecting’… as if I was one of his own. In fact, I
always felt like one of his own.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When our first son Nathan was born – he was
nameless for nearly a week. Somehow in the preceding 9 months of <s>hell</s> pregnancy
Mark and I hadn’t agreed on a name yet so we were scrambling in the days before
we left hospital to come up with something. We consulted with both sets of
grandparents. ROOKIE MISTAKE. Do not EVER consult with grandparents about the
name of your child. JP called me morning and night in hospital after scouring borrowed
baby name books and the internet [he was VERY tech savvy] with <s>ridiculous</s>
helpful suggestions of popular traditional Ukrainian names. He was so earnest
and committed and I treasure those moments we shared. He made me laugh and then
he laughed with me because he never took anything personally and was never scared
of rejection. It made him very easy to be with. He put himself out there with
us as a family all the time and made himself available to us as often as he
could.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I brought Nathan home it was JP who would
drop around during the day and bring me food. Usually some soup he had made or
his famous Bolognese sauce. He would invite himself over and rug the baby up
and sit him outside in a rocker and talk to him as he tended to the garden. “Why
don’t you go and relax?” he would tell me “Nathan is fine with me.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He would make me cups of tea and stand in
the doorway with his back to me chatting as I breastfed. He adored his
grandsons and couldn’t get enough of them. He took them for walks and fed them
some of their first solids and held them until they fell asleep. He played with
them and talked to them and showed them everything he could. And I believe he
nurtured Mark’s role as a father by pure example.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iialdEYAASk/VelJ01OmacI/AAAAAAAABF8/kohErYI1Mzg/s1600/jp%2Bnath%2Band%2Bmark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iialdEYAASk/VelJ01OmacI/AAAAAAAABF8/kohErYI1Mzg/s400/jp%2Bnath%2Band%2Bmark.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When he was very sick and going through
treatment he moved in to our home with my mother-in-law and I was honoured to
wait on him for those weeks. Every day I made him breakfast, morning tea,
lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper. I have always shown love by cooking
for and feeding people and I showered him with as much love as I could. It was
heartbreaking watching him die but the impact he made on my heart is
significant and I will always be grateful for it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>So this Fathers Day I do have a lot to miss
but so much to celebrate and I give thanks to the other fathers in my life.</i></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-20870003169607379882015-08-31T23:13:00.000+09:302015-08-31T23:13:31.962+09:30Fuck Luck<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3zntZcp1-BM/VeRVv9Oy3tI/AAAAAAAABFM/SX9SnIPoZlk/s1600/loving%2Blife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3zntZcp1-BM/VeRVv9Oy3tI/AAAAAAAABFM/SX9SnIPoZlk/s400/loving%2Blife.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I live a good life. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though not for
everyone, I recognise that it’s an enviable life for many and that many people
think that I am lucky. I know this because I’m told, often. Like it’s a
compliment. But it’s not. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am a first generation Australian. I was born
to two European immigrants. My French father and my Dutch-Indonesian mother met
in a migrant hostel in South Australia, fell in love and something, something…
had two healthy, smart and able kids. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I AM lucky to be born in Australia.
Lucky and grateful. I am lucky to be born healthy, of mind, body and spirit.
Lucky and grateful. I am lucky that I was born to a family that held ‘family’
in high regard so that I was raised with love. I’m lucky that the role models
in my life were good and strong. I am lucky that my mum is the woman she is and
therefore the parent she is. I am lucky that the next man she chose to be her
husband would turn out to be the perfect step-father.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am also lucky that I made it to
womanhood, largely unscathed and now have two healthy, smart and able sons. I
thank the universe for that good fortune every day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I do feel lucky for all these incredibly
positive things in my life because I had no impact on them. They were <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bestowed upon me</i> thanks to genetics and
thanks to the decisions and choices of my parents, their parents and the
generations before them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TCSHsca4eLU/VeRV6DVRCxI/AAAAAAAABFU/iHbla9rKzKY/s1600/family%2Bcover%2Bshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TCSHsca4eLU/VeRV6DVRCxI/AAAAAAAABFU/iHbla9rKzKY/s400/family%2Bcover%2Bshot.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I am not lucky for is everything else that
people see in my life today. And be fucked if I’m going to smile and ‘yes,
you’re right’ when someone suggests that I am. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Especially about the following
‘compliments’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You’re
so lucky you have a good husband.<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My husband is a great partner. He is kind
and loyal and reliable. He is loving and respectful. He is generous and
supportive. He is strong and present and generally shares the same values as I
do. He encourages me to follow my dreams and stands strong whenever I need to
weather a personal storm. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it is not an accident that we are
together. Our marriage wasn’t arranged by a third party. At the time of meeting
my [now] husband I was dating several other blokes… with an <s>in</s>decent
amount of ex-boyfriends in my wake. I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">trying</i>
before I did any <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">buying</i>. In the time
that we have known each other we have dated each other, lived together, broken
up, dated other people and got back together. When I said ‘yes’ to his
proposal, I already KNEW he would be a good husband. That’s WHY I said ‘yes’.
In the fifteen years that we have been married we have struggled, grown, aged,
argued, weathered hard times and very nearly and irrevocably separated. Luck
has not kept us together. Hard work has. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When we brought our first baby home we were
CLUELESS. So we carved out a plan for how we wanted our family’s life to look
and we stuck to the plan together. Accountable to each other and encouraging of
each other. We headed in the same direction, side by side. He decided he wanted
to be the best father he could be and I wanted to be the best mother I could
be. So I spend every day doing what I can to achieve that goal. He does the
same. He CHOOSES to be present and engaged and invested in his sons. We fuck up
a lot but we hold each other accountable to those aspirations every day. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No
luck. No accident. No magic. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">You’re
so lucky you live in a beautiful home</span></b><span lang="EN-US">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have a beautiful home. It’s GORGEOUS. I
am illogically and unreasonably emotionally attached to it. I actually love my
home. With real feelings in my heart. It’s what I call my ‘forever home’ and if
I had my way I would spend the rest of my days here. After renting for years,
the last home I had I built with my husband. We worked crazy hard to build it
for as little as possible so we could sell it making the maximum, honest
profit… which we then used as a deposit on my ‘forever home’ which we
substantially renovated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--OWs0pu3oUc/VeRWnKwLSRI/AAAAAAAABFc/2B2JnghMuAQ/s1600/front%2Bdoor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--OWs0pu3oUc/VeRWnKwLSRI/AAAAAAAABFc/2B2JnghMuAQ/s400/front%2Bdoor.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have sacrificed holidays, new cars and extravagant
life choices to live in this house. There are many days when we reevaluate and
question whether it’s worth it. My answer, every time, is “it is.” Those
choices are not for everyone, we know, and we have many friends who prioritise other
things like international travel with their family higher than a massive real
estate commitment… and we have both been envious of each other’s choices at
various times of our lives. Are they lucky to be able to travel regularly? Or
have they engineered their life’s decisions around their priorities?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You’re
lucky you can stay home with your kids and not have to work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I was ‘surprised’ by the arrival of a
new life in my womb I had my own menswear boutique where I sold my own-label, imported
men’s shirts ties and cufflinks. Before then I had worked full-time since the
age of sixteen. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Once we got over the shock of being
pregnant we had many candid talks about what we thought our family would look
like and we both agreed that we didn’t want our child/children to go into
childcare. One of us had to stay home with them and I chose to be the one.
Which meant that I had to close my business and give up earning an income to do
so. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My husband also has his own business
selling wine [now online] that he started when we were first together. We have
both worked hard to support each other in our professional lives. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you’ve ever run your own business you’ll
know that it is incredibly taxing and I’m not just talking about tax. It takes
an enormous level of commitment, sacrifice and lean living. It also takes
tenacity. In business, especially, you make your own luck. When you run your
own business it becomes part of the family and though I no longer have my own
business, I spend many hours every week with my head in my husband’s business. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Contrary to popular belief, I’m not the
good little woman at home lucky to have a man bring home the bacon. My man
brings home the bacon because he doesn’t have to worry about cooking it. He
also doesn’t have to worry about school commitments, sick children, grocery
shopping, clean sheets on the bed or jocks in his drawer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course, becoming a single-income household was not
without its challenges and it meant that we had to tighten our belts.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We don’t go to stage shows that are touring
or attend concerts of any artists other than our kids. We haven’t been to all
the new restaurants in town [or even many of the old ones]. We don’t often go
to the movies and we usually choose to have our coffee at home instead of in a
café. We do A LOT of entertaining at home. In our gorgeous house. We’re
prepared to sacrifice lifestyle but we will always invest in our friends and
family. And there’s no point in having such a big, beautiful home if you’re not
going to fill it, often, with people you love.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You’re
lucky that you have such good friends.<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You know now that I think about it, I think
I only ever hear that from my friends :)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I’m not alone. I hear people say ‘you’re so
lucky’ to women particularly ALL.THE.TIME. And I hear good, strong and capable
women take it on the chin far too often. I’ve heard people say ludicrous
fucking statements like “Oh you’re LUCKY that you have a husband/partner to
BABYSIT your kids” NO. One does not ‘babysit’ one’s own offspring. One parents
them. And there’s nothing lucky about that. I know women who have had to defend
their ‘fortunate’ lives as though they somehow don’t deserve them. My friends
are sick of being called lucky for their life’s choices too. Lucky that they
have such a good job, lucky that they drive such a nice car, lucky that they
have such a nice partner, lucky that they have a happy family, lucky that they
have a good life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Calling someone ‘lucky’ robs people from
owning their decisions. It devalues their own strategic plan and their hard
work. It’s condescending and many times demeaning. It’s like the common misconception that new musical
artists in the industry are ‘overnight successes’. As if the decade of training
and auditions and failures prior to their emergence didn’t exist. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As with many people, the role that luck has
played in my life so far is part of the picture. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But the truth is hundreds of little
decisions every day and a few really momentous ones are the reasons that I live
such a lucky life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-74605513709633012012015-08-17T16:28:00.000+09:302015-08-17T16:28:38.691+09:30Edenland<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_ZfY-xIPXoE/VdFmxvrbcrI/AAAAAAAABE4/j_0HnAYnaQM/s1600/IMG_8275%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="398" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_ZfY-xIPXoE/VdFmxvrbcrI/AAAAAAAABE4/j_0HnAYnaQM/s400/IMG_8275%255B1%255D.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">http://www.edenriley.com/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you look up happiness in the dictionary you will see my face in this photo. I'm smiling so hard that my face is about to turn inside out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to introduce you to Eden Riley. For those of you who don't know, Eden writes all the words of all the feelings ever in the world at <a href="http://www.edenriley.com/" target="_blank">Edenland</a>. Her blogs are some of the most favourite things I have read in my life and her vulnerability is one of the most powerful expressions of strength that I have seen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes reading her stuff is liking taking a <a href="http://www.edenriley.com/2015/03/in-letting-him-go-i-get-to-keep-him-528.html" target="_blank">round house kick to the guts </a>and other times it's like I'm up the back of the classroom suppressing giggles while we throw rolled up bits of paper at the back of our teachers head and sometimes it's like looking into a mirror but it's never ordinary. When she publishes something new I have to put aside time to read it. Just in case it's one of those ones that makes all the water in my body leak out of my eyes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Reading Edenland is not for the faint hearted. With raw honesty she shares her scars and the innermost corners of the dark places of her heart. Her posts of her brother Cam who the world lost to suicide have often been the undoing of my day... sometimes my week. Her <a href="http://www.edenriley.com/2014/09/biggie-big-e.html" target="_blank">love and pain is so palpable</a> that I feel like I have loved and lost him myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But she's more than that. Through her, at times, debilitating grief she still manages to give something back to the world. Her <a href="http://www.edenriley.com/2014/12/i-just-want-to-show-you-something.html" target="_blank">work with World Vision </a>is so important and the voice she gives them is inspiring. Her heart is generous even though it is crippled.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And if that's not reason enough for me to <strike>worship</strike> love her, wait until you see her <a href="http://www.edenriley.com/2015/02/takes-commitment.html" target="_blank">crusade against the sexist bastards who run Wicked Campers</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Am I gushing? Maybe a little bit. But here's the thing. I've got a blog-crush on Eden. She is beautiful and her soul leaps across her words and her heart and shines out of her face. The seven minutes that we chatted (and hugged!) was the highlight of Problogger for me. I don't think it's because I'm star struck 'cause I met lots of other blogging idols of mine while I was there. I think it's because as you get older and wiser you understand the value of honesty and vulnerability and authenticity. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And Eden, with a capital E, is all of those things all of the time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-32489546988766716152015-08-13T18:28:00.000+09:302015-08-13T18:28:08.274+09:30I miss having a pram<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LWZbOFgBzvo/VcxWivRZwgI/AAAAAAAABEk/9VA5cYk7Mi0/s1600/stefan%2Bpram.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LWZbOFgBzvo/VcxWivRZwgI/AAAAAAAABEk/9VA5cYk7Mi0/s400/stefan%2Bpram.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you are new to the parenting gig or
still have young babies at home you will almost definitely have heard at least
one person tell you to ‘savour every moment’ or to ‘enjoy this time because it
goes so quickly’ or something along those lines. And you may be like me and
think quietly to yourself ‘ummmm… I didn’t ask you and having a baby is hard
work and can’t you see I’m exhausted and who the fuck gives unsolicited advice
to a stranger at the shopping centre anyway??!” Or you may be far more gracious
and evolved than that and smile and say “I know” because you may actually know.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m not here to tell you those things.
Because you didn’t ask and you probably are absolutely exhausted and I know
better than to mess with an exhausted mamma with a kid on her boob and quite
possibly another one drawing on the sofa in permanent texta.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I will tell you in ALL MY WISDOM AND
EXPERIENCE is that there are some things about those days that you’re in the
midst of that I miss. Oh, don’t worry, I’m as shocked as you are.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>I miss having a pram. </b></span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I loved the moment that I passed my boys’
prams on to my sister-in-law. It heralded the day of grown-up little boys who
could walk next me and I had so much more room in my boot! But man, shopping
was so much easier with a pram! Now when I go shopping I have to actually CARRY
all the bags. I have to hold my coffee and there’s nowhere to hang all the
clothes I’m considering buying as I continue browsing. Plus, when my kids
whinge that they’re tired I have to actually do something about it instead of
just leaning back the seat and suggesting they close their eyes for a minute
[hour]. Also, the best parks in the shopping centres are the PRAM PARKS. I miss
them too.</span></span></div>
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<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss being fat.</span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Easy everyone. I’m allowed to say ‘fat’. I
really was fat when I was pregnant. I put on 20kg with my first and 25kg with
my second. Those babies were both under 3.5kgs so god knows what I needed all
the rest of that extra ‘me’ for but man was there extra! Even my face was big.
It was an uncomfortable time and I felt like I was pushing maximum density but
it was also so liberating! I was huge and it was wonderful. No hiding it. No
sucking anything in or covering up. I was loud and proud pregnant. Now I’m all
like ‘does my bum look big in everything?’ when before I just didn’t care. Did.
Not. Care. I miss that.</span></span></div>
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<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss breastfeeding in the middle of the
night.</span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I cannot believe I’m saying this. I
seriously can’t but I really, really do miss it. Yeah it’s tiring. Yeah there
were many, many nights that I desperately hoped my son would sleep through.
Yeah I resented my husband plenty of times for being able to continue sleeping
while I was y’know nourishing his child with my body with milk that I made. But
here’s the thing. I made milk, people. I created life and then I made the only
food that went into that human being for six months. I was the sole reason that
baby was alive and thriving. And sometimes, in the fog of exhaustion, all of
that was clear to me and those moments were some of the most validating and empowering
moments of my entire life. And the love! Oh my stars the love. In the dead of
night when it felt like the rest of the entire world was sleeping and it was
just me and my son together in the lamp-light and there was nowhere else I
needed to be [except asleep in bed] and nothing else needed my attention and
there was nothing more important than feeding my baby [except sleeping] it was
possible to just drink in the preciousness of the moment. Now I have to
negotiate in terrorism-esque conditions just to have him finish off his dinner
and put his plate in the dishwasher without scowling. Ungrateful. He used to
adore me.</span></span></div>
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<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss the warmth of carrying a baby next
to my heart.</span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ok so I think I miss this so much at the
moment because it is bloody FREEZING this winter. I’m putting on the electric
blanket and going to bed at 8.30pm just to defrost my brain so I can think
straight. I remember when my babies were permanently attached to me and they
were so warm! Their little swaddled bodies rested against my heart and my days
were spent kissing their sweet warm, round heads. I miss the feeling of cold
when I would put them down [you should NEVER let your baby sleep in your arms
all day – I can’t remember the reason why but apparently it was very bad
parenting] like something was missing from me. My babies kept me warm and I
miss the pureness of that. Now I’m too scared to kiss their head because I’m
sure they never actually wash their face in the shower and who knows what
hideous germs they’ve brought home from school on that head.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss stewing fruit and vegetables.</span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh those early solids! It used to drive me
nuts having all those little ziplock bags full of various cubes of pureed food
in the freezer. Organic fruits, veggies and meats all labeled and dated. What a
hassle! What a moron. That was paradise. Going out for the day? Just pop a
selection of ice-cubes in your snack pack next to the teething rusks and you’re
good to go! Nowadays I’ve got to pack two different types of sandwiches,
drinks, chips and be expected to fork out for a treat [which will definitely
NOT be organic] while we’re out. And I’ll have to remind them AGAIN to use
their manners. And stop kicking each other.</span></span></div>
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<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss changing nappies.</span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nappies. Blegh. Except they’re not blegh.
They were [usually] well-contained, sanitary human waste options. Sure, they
cost a fortune but I had those awesome, scented nappy disposal bags which just
packaged them up and in the bin. And those cute little bums that were all
lovely and clean ‘cause I could use wet wipes were delightful! Now? There’s
piss on the seat and on the bathroom floor. There’s shit stuck on the side of
the toilet bowl and skid marks in jocks. Those bums are at the end of very
long, skinny, hairy legs with dirty knees. I miss changing nappies.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss rocking a baby to sleep.</span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">JUST GO TO SLEEP! I remember thinking this
a million times. Yes, really – ONE MILLION TIMES. When my boys were babies, I
was obsessed with getting them to sleep. OB.SESSED. Them? Not so much. How hard
is it? “YOU’RE TIRED BABY. Close your eyes and go to sleep. Here, watch how
easy it is for Mummy.” I hated being in those trenches. But fuck I miss it now.
Rocking a baby to sleep is a walk in the park compared to sending a defiant 10
year old to bed. Pat, pat, pat and a bit of singing vs an all-out screaming
match with threats of taking away everything that’s in any way important in the
10 year old life? It’s a no-brainer. Pass me that baby.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss toddler tantrums.</span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Toddlers are hard work. They are demanding
and inflexible on so many levels. They’re loud and emotional and exhausting.
Just when you think you’ve worked them out, they do a full 180 [figuratively,
emotionally and sometimes physically] and you’re left standing there with
triangle toast pieces thrown all over the floor and a crying monster screaming
that they only eat squares. There were some days that I didn’t think I could
cope. Coping was a breeze. How easy is it to make another piece of toast and
cut it properly? Or clean up the toast from the floor and ignore their
screaming until they wore themselves out? Or even distract them? Tantrums these
days involve slamming doors and stand-offs that last hours and harsh
consequences. And I reckon I’m not far off the dreaded ‘I hate you!’. Yep,
toddler tantrums were a walk in the park by comparison.</span></span></div>
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<h4>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss living by a 24 hour clock.</span></span></h4>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hated living by a 24 hour clock. It was
relentless but now I miss it. I miss the time when the only commitments I
needed to meet were bath time, tummy time and the next feed. When I could lose
HOURS of my day encouraging my son to roll and nothing else would be affected
by that lost time. When that was not even considered ‘lost time’. That was
called parenting and the things my baby did was called development. Now it’s
all actions and consequences and attitude. LOTS of attitude.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>What do you miss that you never you never thought you would?</b></i></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-48431170848222629102015-07-11T14:47:00.001+09:302015-07-11T14:47:56.383+09:30Hosting The Double Playdate<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rz5j2FJtfdo/VaCmm4JCJuI/AAAAAAAABDM/7QG7Mf-WXVI/s1600/the%2Bboys%2Band%2Btheir%2Bballs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rz5j2FJtfdo/VaCmm4JCJuI/AAAAAAAABDM/7QG7Mf-WXVI/s400/the%2Bboys%2Band%2Btheir%2Bballs.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m half way through the first week of the
school holidays. The winter school holidays. I’m also at the end of an all day double
playdate. A double playdate is one where each of my boys has one of their
friends over. That’s four boys under ten in my house that I work from home
from. Are you on board the train to hell yet?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course, I didn’t make these arrangements
by accident. I thought them out and <s>stupidly</s> <s>idiotically</s> naïvely
thought it would be EASIER having playmates for my kids. So then I could
continue to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">work from home </i>while they
entertained themselves. Oh, don’t worry. I can see you shaking your head from
here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s not like the entire day was hell.
There were moments of sheer glory. When each son played quietly in their
respective bedrooms with their mates. Lego and Test Match Cricket kept them
entertained for about 45 minutes each. They did a bit of ball kicking outside
and there were the PS4 sessions which peppered the day and thankfully didn’t
consume it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But kids these days [oh FFS, did I actually
just say that??] don’t cope with boredom too well. And in the down times they
were stuck. And every time they got stuck they gravitated to a screen. And I
wanted to scream. Which of course I couldn’t because we had outsiders in the
house. Outsiders whose mums undoubtedly DON’T scream and probably smile with
amusement when their kids complain that they’re bored and come up with some interesting
activity that grows their kids’ brains or something. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I went all ‘perfect mother’ on their
bored arses and serenely suggested they ‘go outside’… “go have some fun boys!
Kick the ball or play basketball or climb a tree!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And eight eyes were rolled. And four of
them looked apologetic and possibly even dismayed that those words came out of
THEIR mum’s head. I can just imagine what the outsiders said when they got
home. “It was ok Mum but their mum told us to go outside. In the winter – who
does that?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So they did go outside for a while and then
they moped around from room to room trying to come up with an idea to stop the
boredom. Because life is so boring. This life which is full of board games and ball
games and friendships. And I tried to ignore them and not intervene with my
ridiculous suggestions. At one point I heard one of the outsiders ask one of my
boys “So what do you usually do?” and I strained to listen to the answer
because I wanted to know too…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Back in my day [yes, I'm going there] kids would just rock up at their friend's houses. There were no playdates and there were no activities. There were just mates hanging out in each other's space. If that got boring you'd head out into the street to see who else was around and then there'd be a posse of bored kids. Which, just quietly, didn't always end well... if you catch my drift! The point is, you sorted shit out yourself. If I ever had the balls to whinge to Mum that me and friends were bored she'd make us weed the garden! </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had one activity totally worked out for
them. If you have sons then you will know that they could fill their entire day
simply with eating so I covered that off. Fruit and lollies and homemade pizza
and hotdogs and juices and popcorn and donuts. All the essential boy food
groups were covered. But boys tend to inhale food, on the run so that filled up
about an hour, in total, of their day. Or should I say, ‘our’ day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They worked it out in the end. They made a
game that involved all four of them. One person had to hide a small ball and
the rest of them had to find it. Sounds pretty cool huh? Yep. Except that the
game is played INSIDE and part of the rules seemed to be that while you were
searching for the small ball you all had to scream. That’s four boys SCREAMING
in my house and it took all my efforts to NOT tell them to use their ‘inside
voices’ or ‘go outside’ or say anything at all to discourage the game because I
was pretty happy that they had done almost exactly what I had hoped. They made
up their own game, inclusive of everyone that didn’t involve a screen. Just a
whole lot of fucking SCREAM.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course all attempts to work at that time
had became entirely futile. Because they were screaming and running around the
house in socks on hard floors and there are corners on all the furniture and
doorways and no matter how hard I try to remember I constantly forget that my
kids aren’t toddlers anymore. So I wiped the kitchen benches multiple times
while smiling and gently reminding the boys to ‘take it easy’ and ‘slow down’
and ‘watch your head’ as they zoomed past me in laps.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A hundred times that day, I wondered why I
did it. And then our guests were gone and so was the noise and the boys were tired and so
grateful. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it all made sense.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Are you into hosting playdates?</span></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-16146025085195698842015-07-01T10:00:00.000+09:302015-07-01T10:00:43.676+09:30The Mercy Rule<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6dTu9NSZ9uA/VZMy6b8qfwI/AAAAAAAABC4/Yw_R-9OllA8/s1600/mark%2Bit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6dTu9NSZ9uA/VZMy6b8qfwI/AAAAAAAABC4/Yw_R-9OllA8/s400/mark%2Bit.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last week I received an email regarding my
10 year old sons’ school AFL football competition.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span lang="EN-US">“</span><span style="background: white; color: #141823; font-size: 10.5pt;">If a
team is 8 goals or more in front at half time the mercy rule will apply.
Therefore this means the team 8 goals or more in front at half time has won the
match and the last half will then be regarded as a scratch match. The dominant
team will also be expected to swap 2-4 players with the other team for the
third quarter and 2-4 players for the final quarter."</span></i><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was incredulous when I read it and so I
do what I often do these days when I’m not sure about something, and put it out
to my Facebook peeps. Now, let me just say at this point that if you have not
yet liked the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/seventiesbabyblog" target="_blank">Seventies Baby Facebook</a> page then you are missing out. Not only
am I hilarious, this little community is incredible. And this online debate is
a perfect example of the calibre of people that are part of it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, as I was saying – I was really
surprised that such a rule was being implemented. It just didn’t seem right to me. Just like the decision that junior teams of all sports don’t score
their games, so that there is no winner or loser. None of that makes sense to
me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I wasn’t totally convinced it was a
shit idea either. Here’s a snapshot of how the discussion went down:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FOR</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><b><span style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><br /></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><b><span style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Angie</span></b> : Junior
leagues have used that rule for many years now. It was introduced to prevent
children losing interest in football and relieving the negative feelings
children can have towards sports when they are constantly defeated by large
margins. At such a young age, kids should be encouraged to feel the joy of
playing team sport, not segregated into winners and losers. I fully support the
rule. As they get older, the rule will no longer apply. It all about learning
how to be a part of a team and working together, even if it means helping out
the other side so a game can continue to be played and the kids to have fun and
exercise.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><b><span style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Linda</span></b> : When
they are in junior leagues they are playing to develop skills, knowledge and
sportsmanship. Nothing speaks more highly of sportsmanship than the mercy rule,
which recognises that there was a winning team without beating the crap out of
them. It is demoralising and counter productive to young players and their
interest if they are flogged, especially if it teams repeatedly flogged. You
have to remember I junior levels there is such a variety of sizes and ages that
it is not a level playing field in any respect at all. I think the mercy rule
teaches respect when winning and helps players stay focussed on the game and
not just on winning at all costs. As a junior level coach I highly support this
rule.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><b><span style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Ilka</span></b> : I
have seen both sides - ice hockey where my son is on good teams and often
winning by lots and soccer where he just started playing and has mostly lost,
sometimes by huge margins. It is totally disheartening to kids to be beaten by
8 goals or more in any sport. With the 'mercy rule' they still know they've
lost but they can finish the game with some positive feelings, improve their
skills playing with better players and learn about being good sports. Translate
this to life - do you want your kids to totally hammer others who are not as
good at them in work, education. . And walk off the field triumphant in how
much better they are, or to play hard, win well, and bring others along?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<h3>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">AGAINST</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><b><span style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><br /></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><b><span style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Elizabeth :</span></b> Not
a fan - no incentive to be better and I think it would actually humiliate and
demoralise the other team more than just letting them lose. Here, you're so
crap that we need to replace you with a better player for the rest of the game.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><b><span style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Adrienne :</span></b> We get world class surgeons, chefs, scientists,
etc because some people are built to strive beyond the norm - how do they learn
how to do this if everything is 'fair'? Kids also need to learn how to work out
what they are good at so they can pursue those things and excel at them - they
have much better lives if they are exceptional at some things rather than being
mediocre at everything (or falsely believing they are exceptional at everything
because their parents have told them they are). As a youth worker and teacher I
see young people every day with no ambition because either they believe there
is no benefit to success (you get the same outcome no matter how good you are)
or they already think they know everything because they have never failed at
anything. We need to teach them it is ok to fail, so they keep on trying and
don't give up on things at the first hurdle. Remember Thomas Edison!</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: rgb(246, 247, 248); color: #141823; font-size: 9pt;"><b><span style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Rebekah</span></b> : Ridiculous
coddling behaviour, the upcoming generations are going to reach adulthood
without any real experience learning to deal with disappointment. We all feel
bad for our kids when they lose or don't do well at something, but teaching
them that when things aren't going well people will take it easy on you is
setting them up for a rude shock - isn't part of childhood learning the life
skills necessary to function as an adult? Seems to me that kids are being
robbed of the chance to deal with negative emotions when the stakes aren't as
high... how will these generations cope when they lose their job, house or
don't get what they want in life? ...personal bugbear of mine if you couldn't
tell lol</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See how impressive the Seventies Baby
community is? I mean seriously. I love the time everyone took to share their
thoughts and I especially love the respect. Because grown-ups know that it’s ok
to have a different opinion. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ultimately, both sides of the fence have
developed their opinions based on what they believe will achieve the best
outcome for well-adjusted, non-arsehole adults. I’m so impressed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And as for my opinion? Well… the jury is
still out. I see merit on both sides of the fence but then I am a long-time
fence sitter. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My son has also been in both camps. Last
year his team was the kind of team you see in movies which would attract a
tough, unorthodox coach to swoop in and take the losers to victory in a
nail-biting final. They were pretty shit and they were annihilated NEARLY every
week... but every win was so sweet! They got through that season by celebrating
good quarters, even in games they lost, in lieu of winning entire matches. This
year their game is very strong but last year’s losing form is never far from
their minds.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The thing I can’t shake is the accidental
lesson we may be teaching our young folk by supporting the mercy rule. And that
is one of ‘giving up’. There’s a message that ‘you’re not good enough to finish
this game’ that comes with that rule. In a game of Aussie Rules football, it’s
completely achievable to score eight goals in two quarters. My feeling is that
by stopping official play at that half-time mark because one team is so far
ahead [or behind, depending on your perspective] may actually be
counterproductive to the losing team. “Don’t bother trying any more – there’s
NO WAY you can recover”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If that rule was in play last year, there
may have been many strong quarters our boys missed out on celebrating. And this
year they may not have bothered trying at all.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What are your thoughts on the Mercy Rule?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-11262981335418503672015-06-05T18:17:00.002+09:302015-06-05T19:20:50.364+09:3024 Hours In The Brain of a Sick Mum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1P5-BaCN28Y/VXFdWYEPuLI/AAAAAAAABCk/brC7nxGpCHY/s1600/24-logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="370" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1P5-BaCN28Y/VXFdWYEPuLI/AAAAAAAABCk/brC7nxGpCHY/s400/24-logo.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">The following takes place between 7.30pm
Monday night and 7.30pm Tuesday night…</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh God I feel sick.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can’t feel sick, it’s Monday night.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s probably just a bug.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course it’s a bug – the kids probably
gave it to me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why are the kids always giving me their
bugs??<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just need to sleep on it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If only I COULD sleep, these cramps are hardcore.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Suck it up, it’s Monday night. I can’t be
sick.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Take a couple of Panadol.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And a cup of tea.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh my God, I’m so middle-aged.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hubby can get the kids to bed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why isn’t he getting the kids to bed?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How long is he letting them stay up?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now they’re fighting. Over who is
having their shower first.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why do my children hate being clean?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What did I do wrong?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Will you put the bloody kids to bed!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have to go to sleep or I’ll be sick
tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tomorrow is Tuesday, I can’t be sick.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thank God I finally fell asleep, what time
is it?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Only midnight? I’ve still got cramps.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Curl up in the foetal position, oh wait…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why is there no room next to me?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh FFS, why can’t my youngest stay in his
bed all night?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have to go to the toilet.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No I don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yes I do.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Diarrhea. Yep, it’s a bug.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I’m still in pain.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Go back to sleep, I've got to be up
early.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2am. Still sore.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3am. Still sore.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4am. For fucks sake.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6.30am. Oh I must be getting better.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thank God hubby is getting the kids
breakfast.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Need extra time in bed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ll be fine.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ll just walk them to the end of the
street and then come back home to lay down.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course hubby doesn't have to miss his breakfast meeting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ll be fine!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I really should get up and make lunches.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh but it hurts.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don’t be ridiculous, it’s just a bug and
I have to make lunches.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ok I’m up.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh shit, no I’m not.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why does it hurt so much?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This isn’t right.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s not a bug.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Where’s my phone?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Google – a.p.p.e.n.d.i.c.i.t.i.s<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Read, read, gasp, read.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fuck.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hubby’s going to freak.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don't be so stupid, just
call him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sorry hon, but you’ll have to come home. I
can’t walk properly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think it’s appendicitis.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What do you mean – how do I know? I’m a
mother. We know things.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But maybe I’m wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Maybe it’s cancer!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why do I think everything is cancer?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I should go to hospital.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it’s not an emergency, don’t be such a
drama queen!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ll just see my GP.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He’ll know what to do.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh no. My kids are making their own
lunches.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What kind of a mother lets her kids make
their own lunches? Get up!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll just have to sit down to
butter the bread.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is a first world problem. Mothers in Africa don't stop just because they have a bit of pain.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course it’s a first world problem! It’s my
problem and I live in the first world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mummy’s fiiiine.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But Dad’s on his way to take you to school.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Are their bags packed properly?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I bet they didn’t brush their teeth.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why do my kids hate being clean?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What the fuck is wrong with them?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just get to the doctor, he’ll know what to
do.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sorry what? It is appendicitis? Oh. Acute
appendicitis.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do not make a joke about your appendix
being cute, it’s not funny.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What? Surgery? Today?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who’s going to pick the kids up from
school?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I need my slippers from home.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What about their dinner?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I should have eaten breakfast.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Keyhole surgery sounds ok.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Standard procedure.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Walk in the park.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How long do I have to be in hospital?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A couple of days, that’s not too bad.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Are the boys’ uniforms clean?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What do you mean I can’t drive for a week?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What about footy training?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So glad I had a shower.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I should have shaved my legs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Blegh, this hospital tea is bland.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Must remember to get some teabags from
home.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m such a tea snob.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh it feels nice to lay down and do
nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why don’t I rest during the day?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No-one would know.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Real mothers don’t rest during the day,
idiot. That’s an urban myth.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do I have to be naked under the gown?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just bra-less? That’s doable.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Time for the drip to be inserted.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Show no fear – you’ve pushed babies out of
your vagina woman!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Look away and pretend to be distracted.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She’s such a kind nurse!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I could never be a nurse.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What it’s time already?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Be cool.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Standard procedure. First world problem. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m going to be fine.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why is it always so cold in the operating
theatre?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How good does the heated blanket feel?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I need a blanket warmer at home – it’s like
a warm hug.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Aren’t they going to ask me to count to ten
or something?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why are my kids here?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wait, am I out already?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Keep your eyes open woman, they’re telling
you about their day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Turn to hug them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No, no, no DO NOT turn! OW!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Smile.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let them know you’re ok.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Show no fear.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ask hubby to take them home and switch off
the light on the way out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Aaah… drugged out bliss.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I should get some of this stuff for home.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-22757124299129574792015-04-26T12:47:00.000+09:302015-04-26T12:47:58.794+09:30How to Become a Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DUBuOJnPxuk/VTw3y3vQzVI/AAAAAAAABBs/G4wdgGSy74M/s1600/IMG_0577.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DUBuOJnPxuk/VTw3y3vQzVI/AAAAAAAABBs/G4wdgGSy74M/s1600/IMG_0577.JPG" height="277" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let’s talk about boys.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve got a tough job ahead of me. With two
sons making their way through the world, my burden is heavy. Because my boys
are on their way to becoming men and men, well, men have been getting a bad rap
lately.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Men are controlling and misogynistic and
sexist. Men are demeaning. Men are overpowering. Men are entitled. Men are
violent. Men are abusers. Men are murderers. Men are rapists.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am confronted, daily, with all these
indictments on men and as I look at my sons I wonder <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/raising-men.html" target="_blank">how am I going to raise the man out of them</a>? How do I stop them from becoming a man as our society sees
men? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course, the truth is my boys are not
rapists. Nor are they murderers. My boys are already showing all good signs of
becoming impressive, engaged citizens of the world. At 8 and 10 I haven’t yet
had to sit down and have the ‘consent conversation’ with them because, well I’ve
been teaching them those lessons their whole life. I can’t imagine there will
come a time that I need to specifically teach my sons to not rape. Just as my
husband was never specifically taught that lesson. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are good men in this world. Almost
every man that I have chosen to have in my life, is a good man. Which is not to
say that I haven’t come across my share of bad men. I know a few of them too,
some of which triggered an instinct in me very quickly but others that travelled
where all the scariest people live – just under the radar. I learned my lesson
with those men the hard way. But I still learned.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But violence against women will only stop
when men stop perpetrating it, right? We just need to teach men not to hurt women.
Well… it’s not that black and white in my view. Should that philosophy also
then apply to paedophiles? We just need to teach them to NOT be sick fuckers.
Oh right! I wish I’d thought of that. Because it’s our
children’s RIGHT to be safe in this world. We shouldn’t have to protect them or
teach them to be safe because that is VICTIM SHAMING. Do you see where I’m
going with this?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let's just be clear. It is never the victim’s fault. Whether
they are girls, women, boys or men. It is never their fault. The blame must
always lay firmly and squarely on the shoulders of the bastard that hurt the
victim. It is always the perpetrator’s DECISION to rape/molest/torture/murder
that is responsible for the crime and never the victim’s choices, no matter how
vulnerably they may lay themselves bare. Vulnerability should never be an
invitation for violence or trespass. Just because a car is unlocked does not
mean that the contents within are free for the taking. Theft is still theft,
regardless of the circumstance. But here’s the thing. We still lock our car
doors because while 99%* of the community will recognise the morality of that
situation, it is the 1%* that we must all worry about. The opportunists. The
deranged. The evil. The psychopaths and the sociopaths. The outliers. For these minority of cockroaches no amount of TELLING them NOT to hurt or steal is going to
work. No measure of EDUCATION will protect us from them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wk8QPAz7etk/VTw5yOJGBnI/AAAAAAAABCA/KEvIrRbvi3k/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-04-26%2Bat%2B10.34.42%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wk8QPAz7etk/VTw5yOJGBnI/AAAAAAAABCA/KEvIrRbvi3k/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2015-04-26%2Bat%2B10.34.42%2BAM.png" height="400" width="321" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“But we must teach our boys” is the message
we are getting loud and clear. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Teach them what exactly? As I help my boys
navigate their way through their lives I am acutely aware of the confusion
surrounding their journey… not the least of which is my own. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My generation of
men was raised differently to the generation of my sons. Boys were to be tough.
They were taught to stand up for themselves. If someone hits you, hit ‘em back.
But not a girl! Boys must never hit girls. You can be forceful with them
though, especially if the girl is asking for it. Tarts ask for it. In all other
times, treat them like a lady. Do well at sports. Don’t wear pink. Don’t be
gay, it’s gay. Don’t run like a girl. Don’t cry, only girls cry. Be brave. You
don’t need a hug! A good tousle of the hair should be enough for you, young
man. We don’t want to mollycoddle you! Be the man of the house, even if you’re
only a boy. Man up. Have some balls. Don’t be a wimp. Be reliable. Sow your
oats while you can. Then find a good woman. Be a good husband. Be a provider. Don’t
beat your wife. You wear the pants. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It sounds pretty ridiculous and dated BUT
it’s also pretty easy to follow. My generation of men and the generations
before them were not confused. There was one path for them to follow. It was
not, by any means, the right path for all men but it was widely known as the man’s
path nonetheless.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My sons are fortunate enough to be born
into a generation with infinitely more choice than the generations before them.
But you know what else comes with great choice? The pressure of having to make
a decision. The bravery to go your own way. The strength to commit to a path
that is scary. And confusion. Confusion is the enemy of choice. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Never before have men as a whole been as
confused as they are today, nor as depressed. According to the ABS, suicide is
the 10<sup>th</sup> leading cause of death for males in Australia. Our men
don’t know how to cope with all this confusion. For we have focused so intently
on some of our greatest advancements to empower women that, in doing so, have
disempowered men.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Woohoo!!!! Victory! That’s the fight we’ve
been fighting isn’t it?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well, yes. And no.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You see when it was just me, woman,
pitching against the collective man I was passionate in my cause. What do we
want? Equality! When do we want it? Now! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But now that it’s me, mother of two growing
men, my perspective has shifted. And so has the notion of equality. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I watch and
I read and I try to interpret the multitude of mixed messages that are thrown
at men every day so that I can deliver to my charges the most concise lessons
in manhood possible. I don’t do this alone. I discuss, at length, all the lessons
and the directions and values with my husband – their, very present, father.
But he struggles too. He is an old-school man. Strong and reliable. A good
husband and capable provider. Handy on the tools and short on affection. It is
the way he knows. It is the way of his father. It is not the way of today
though, so in teaching our boys he is learning a new path too. And so now I am
on the path to today’s manhood with three boys… and none of us know what the
fuck we’re doing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I do know though, is that all those
bastard men that have killed, raped and abused women [and men!] were once
little boys too. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Did their mums also stay up until the early hours of the
evenings wondering how best to turn their sons into men? At what point did
their path deviate? What opportunity was missed to teach those valuable
lessons? Is it as simple as that? God, I fucking hope not. Because if it all
comes down to one lesson that I need to teach my kids. One missed opportunity
that will shape them into a rapist or not. Then I’m never sleeping again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-57736316183968185502015-04-25T16:06:00.002+09:302015-04-25T16:06:59.139+09:30How to Host an AFL Birthday Party<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<o:Company>Australian Baby Bargains</o:Company>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q1KV66CJV_8/VTsdgwB_TCI/AAAAAAAAA_g/KahDLkRTmvU/s1600/IMG_7325.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q1KV66CJV_8/VTsdgwB_TCI/AAAAAAAAA_g/KahDLkRTmvU/s1600/IMG_7325.jpg" height="400" width="345" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My ten year old son Nathan is not a party
kinda kid. He’s very low-key and for the past 4 years has chosen to forgo his
birthday party entirely and travel to Melbourne to watch his beloved Blues play
instead.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With his first milestone birthday
approaching, I asked if he would consider actually having a party this year.
One that he could invite his friends to and really celebrate. “And so you can
get some presents!” his younger brother, who LOVES PARTIES, encouraged.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Well, ok. I guess that’s a good idea. But
don’t do anything weird Mum” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I beg your pardon?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I don’t want any games and I just want my
friends to be able to wear normal clothes. Don’t make them dress up or anything
stupid like that please”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Woah. Whose kid are you?? Definitely his
father’s.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now anyone who knows me is very well aware
that I cannot throw a party without, at the very least, a theme and, wherever
possible, a lot of fanfare. So I asked him… “What about a footy party?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Crickets…. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is that a tumbleweed?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then, finally “Yeah, that’d be alright.
I guess.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">VICTORY!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so I began.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now that I had a theme I had to work out
the invitations. I found THE MOST fabulous ones online <a href="http://jostudio.com.au/index.php?manufacturers_id=19=AUSSIE%20RULES%20FOOTBALL" target="_blank">here at Jo Studio </a>and the service was brilliant. Super quick turnaround and excellent communication. I had them printed and cut at Officeworks. There is a whole corresponding range of party gear to
go with it but I just got the welcome sign too.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dZaMcXeYjrs/VTsq3hhh2FI/AAAAAAAAA_w/oDY-AEsZ-u0/s1600/Nathan's%2BFootball%2BInvitation%5B1%5D%2Bcopy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dZaMcXeYjrs/VTsq3hhh2FI/AAAAAAAAA_w/oDY-AEsZ-u0/s1600/Nathan's%2BFootball%2BInvitation%5B1%5D%2Bcopy.png" height="400" width="203" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uyTmQGK8BVc/VTsrQhxhs-I/AAAAAAAAA_4/01JH1HBGOa0/s1600/Nathan's%2BFootball%2BWelcome%2BSign%2Bcopy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uyTmQGK8BVc/VTsrQhxhs-I/AAAAAAAAA_4/01JH1HBGOa0/s1600/Nathan's%2BFootball%2BWelcome%2BSign%2Bcopy.png" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Next was the cake. I like to make my own
cake for the kids. I’m not sure why that is. I haven’t analysed it but it’s
just how I roll. The thing is, I’m not really THAT GOOD at making cakes so it
has to be something reasonably simple and it can’t involve fondant. I haven’t
given that a go yet and it scares me. So, I had this idea to make a football on
a footy field. I found a local cake supplier <a href="http://www.completecake.com.au/" target="_blank">Complete Cake Decorating Supplies </a>who hire out cake
tins for $5 as opposed to buying one new for $40 and I also grabbed some pre-coloured butter
cream [GENIUS!], an icing spatula and some cool footy goal candles. Then I
picked up two Betty Crocker chocolate cake mixes for the ground and two Betty
Crocker vanilla cake mixes for the football and a dozen eggs [THAT’S HOW MANY
IT TOOK!]<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p7vMdemQ97k/VTsuZjdSuVI/AAAAAAAABAE/M-HtYPKp8qY/s1600/IMG_7321.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p7vMdemQ97k/VTsuZjdSuVI/AAAAAAAABAE/M-HtYPKp8qY/s1600/IMG_7321.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am RAPT with the result. The cake tin was
actually for an American Rugby football so I had to round off the ends but it
turned out pretty well. I baked the chocolate cakes in large lamington tins and
then coloured the icing with green food colouring and sprinkled green
dessicated coconut on top to make it look like grass. The edges were pretty
messy so I picked out all the brown Smarties in a family pack and stuck them
around to clean it up a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2dgFHlli2wU/VTsyR9a1ClI/AAAAAAAABBQ/0PR8jiMVXRo/s1600/IMG_7326.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2dgFHlli2wU/VTsyR9a1ClI/AAAAAAAABBQ/0PR8jiMVXRo/s1600/IMG_7326.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It looked so good that I made a last minute
decision to bake cupcakes as well so that the kids didn’t eat it after we sang
Happy Birthday! Also because the entire extended family was coming for dinner
immediately after the footy party and I wanted them to see my cake too.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BJAA2WCDG00/VTsu2nYLpFI/AAAAAAAABAM/5I96i2ghGp4/s1600/IMG_7349.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BJAA2WCDG00/VTsu2nYLpFI/AAAAAAAABAM/5I96i2ghGp4/s1600/IMG_7349.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I picked up some fabulous AFL bunting <a href="http://www.lombard.com.au/category/sports/afl/afl-decorations/" target="_blank">online here from Lombard</a> in Melbourne and also a packet of football balloons which I had filled
with helium locally.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qkaOgLSGigw/VTsvO4H--KI/AAAAAAAABAU/dC4P0syNfpE/s1600/IMG_7333.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qkaOgLSGigw/VTsvO4H--KI/AAAAAAAABAU/dC4P0syNfpE/s1600/IMG_7333.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I dressed the table with fake turf and
carried the red of the football throughout the whole party.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AAoZGISLQ5w/VTsvk2yLOdI/AAAAAAAABAc/-7smwPAdA_Q/s1600/IMG_7329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AAoZGISLQ5w/VTsvk2yLOdI/AAAAAAAABAc/-7smwPAdA_Q/s1600/IMG_7329.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The winning purchase though was the
fluke-find of the AFL Footy Water! I literally stumbled upon them a few weeks
ago when I was paying for my petrol and they were just there… beside the counter.
The kids LOVED them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DeFBlkw8pSo/VTswSloW6WI/AAAAAAAABAs/fnwz6cjcBdY/s1600/IMG_7330.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DeFBlkw8pSo/VTswSloW6WI/AAAAAAAABAs/fnwz6cjcBdY/s1600/IMG_7330.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mVXFJlrdkzI/VTsv-lxwNPI/AAAAAAAABAk/L7fgkdclxD8/s1600/IMG_7331.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mVXFJlrdkzI/VTsv-lxwNPI/AAAAAAAABAk/L7fgkdclxD8/s1600/IMG_7331.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For food I decided to go full footy fare
and served up mini hotdogs, meat pies and cups of hot chips [sorry no photos!] and
some popcorn. The party was from 2-5pm though so it was only snacks<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- no lunch. I also had some softdrink which
they drank from gorgeous plastic milk bottles with themed straws.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1JNcYnDvHpA/VTswvqxQutI/AAAAAAAABA0/zoRHFnjQXQw/s1600/IMG_7346.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1JNcYnDvHpA/VTswvqxQutI/AAAAAAAABA0/zoRHFnjQXQw/s1600/IMG_7346.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ERwKgN9WQ5k/VTsw-ShNWOI/AAAAAAAABA8/0fKkxHinZ0Y/s1600/IMG_7332.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ERwKgN9WQ5k/VTsw-ShNWOI/AAAAAAAABA8/0fKkxHinZ0Y/s1600/IMG_7332.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was under strict instruction that there
were to be NO organised games so instead we brought out the table tennis table,
the foosball table and all the balls in the house. The kids swarmed from one
activity to another and it was LOUD. Like crazy loud. But they had a ball.
Pardon the pun. Half way through hubby took all of them for a walk down the
street to the local oval to really run off some energy and then it was back to
sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and send them on their way.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ehtiuIKeBdo/VTsyr8T_wQI/AAAAAAAABBY/QnF-oDcH13Y/s1600/IMG_7350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ehtiuIKeBdo/VTsyr8T_wQI/AAAAAAAABBY/QnF-oDcH13Y/s1600/IMG_7350.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I kept the loot/lolly bags really simple
and just included some lollies, a whizz fizz and a pack of footy cards into brown paper craft bags.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then it was over.</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I got rave reviews...</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Did you love it Nathan?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Yeah. It was pretty cool actually. Thanks
Mum.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-19571822510231478062015-03-14T07:00:00.000+10:302015-03-14T07:00:00.840+10:30The First Boy I Ever Loved<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mlt-syLayvE/VQK4u8OmPLI/AAAAAAAAA_A/HE2EEID4a1U/s1600/tan%2Band%2Bjase%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mlt-syLayvE/VQK4u8OmPLI/AAAAAAAAA_A/HE2EEID4a1U/s1600/tan%2Band%2Bjase%2B1.jpg" height="400" width="310" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want to tell you about my brother… but I
can’t. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want to tell you about his heart and about
his successes and about his struggles. I want to share with you what I see when
I look at him. I want to tell you how strong he his. I want you to know what
amazing things he has done with himself and his life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want to tell you but I can’t. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have these stories about my brother that
will amaze you. There are things I could tell you that would move you. The
paths he has travelled would blow your mind. I want to tell you. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want to tell everyone. But I can’t. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wish I could share my perspective of my
brother with the whole world. I want the world to know what an incredible soul
walks among us. I want to tell you how his life has taught me. I want you to
see how his love has healed me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I can’t. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want everyone who knows me today to understand
that before they did, I was first his sister. I want to tell you why being his
sister has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. I want you to understand
why that though it seems like I am the strong one it has always been him. I
want to tell you the reason I would not be the mother I am today if it were not
for my brother. I want to explain to you how I would not be the woman I am
today if it were not for my brother. I want to share how he taught me to love
and how he taught me to forgive. I want you to see how I have always felt
stronger with him by my side. I want you to know that he was the first person
who made me want to be better. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want to. But I can’t.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My brother guards his heart. My brother
guards his stories. So I love him completely and quietly. I don’t share his
stories. I don’t share our memories. I stand with him and help him guard his
heart. I stand quiet and proud that I am his sister, though I can never tell
you why. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jvYEfOla6Vk/VQK48JXWnLI/AAAAAAAAA_I/dT0Fyoa_yeI/s1600/tan%2Band%2Bjase%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jvYEfOla6Vk/VQK48JXWnLI/AAAAAAAAA_I/dT0Fyoa_yeI/s1600/tan%2Band%2Bjase%2B2.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I can tell you is that he is 40 today.
I have loved this man for forty years. I have looked upon his face as it has
grown and I have smiled into his eyes a million times. I have cheered him on at
soccer carnivals and screamed encouragement at BMX races. I have consoled women
who have loved him and sniggered with mates who have adored him. I have been
scared that I will never see him again. I have rolled my eyes at some seriously
stupid shit he’s done. I have whipped his arse at Monopoly and spent hours
playing UNO and Pick-Up Sticks. I have fought hard against him in stand-offs
neither of us wanted to back down from. I have laughed until I cried listening
to his boyhood tales and have cried until I have laughed commiserating with
him. My brother and I have survived losing our father and very nearly our way
together. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can tell you that Jason was the first boy
that I ever loved and though you may never know why, I am one lucky woman to
call him my brother.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happy Birthday Jase. Love you little bro x</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-85997696443549188032015-03-06T13:18:00.000+10:302015-03-06T13:18:18.656+10:30Where do you go to my lovely?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>"Where do you go to my lovely?</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>When you're alone in your bed</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Tell me the thoughts that surround you</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>I want to look inside your head, yes I do"</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/aE89OeM5nmU" width="560"></iframe>
</span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I was in my early twenties I worked
for Apple. They were some of the greatest days of my life for many, many
reasons not the least being that I was in my early twenties. I have memories
that make me smile every time I think of them even decades later but there is
one that still amazes me as much as it did when it actually happened all those
years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was at one of their national conferences
in Sydney and out for the evening with all my newly connected colleagues from
head office and the branches around Australia. The early 90s was pre Fringe
Benefits Tax so EVERYTHING went on the Apple tab. EVERY.THING. So much fun.
Lots of drinking and lots of late night talking. And on this particular night I
was talking to a relatively new exec at Apple called Lorraine. She was older
than me [I WAS young after all, everyone was bloody older than I was] but we
‘clicked’ and sat chatting in the bar for hours about all things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can’t remember how or why but I do
remember talking to her quite openly and nostalgically about my recently
departed dad. Perhaps it was just that he was recently departed or perhaps
there was another catalyst but whatever the reason, I felt inspired to share.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I told her about my parents’ great, young
love and romanticised their demise. I spoke of the inherent ‘coolness’ of
having young parents who loved each other in the 70s and I told her of ‘their
song’. You know how all our relationships [good and bad] have ‘the song’? The one that you hear
today, even decades later that will remind you of that time and that love? Well
their song was ‘Where do you go to my lovely?” by Peter Sarstedt. In my circles
of friends it was a little-known, old song. But I knew it word for word because I had heard
it so many times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I tell my new found friend Lorraine of
this song except instead of telling her the song, I sing it to her because
no-one ever knows the song when I mention it by title. And as I sing, paying no mind to the bar we were sitting in, I cry a
little bit because I’d been drinking and I was young and my dad’s death was
fresh on my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I watched her face change as I sang it
and saw the tears well up in her eyes too and I remember thinking very briefly
that she was moved by my story and by the lyric. She waits until I have
finished the chorus and says to me :<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Peter Sarstedt is my brother”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Accascuse me?? [of course I didn’t say that
because the genius of Pitch Perfect hadn’t been invented yet but my 20
something self would definitely have rolled that one out if I had known about
it then]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can’t even tell you what I thought in
that exact moment. But I do remember thinking she must be bullshitting me.
No-one I knew had even heard of the song, let alone the artist and here was
this woman, that I had just met who for some bizarre reason I felt compelled to
share such an emotional part of myself with telling me that she was this artist’s
sister. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then she told me things. Many things
about her and her relationships and her family and how she never tells anyone
who her brother is. She told me that hearing how something her brother had done was so special to a family on the other side of the world, made her feel proud and connected to him. That shared moment of vulnerability was extraordinary and will
be forever imprinted on my life’s tapestry. When I got home I told my mum, who COULD NOT BELIEVE IT until a copy of the cassette [it was the 90s people] signed by Peter himself arrived for her. Very, very special.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was never a story I thought to share
until just last week a friend of mine posted a link to that song on her
Facebook page. And the memory hit me, full-force, in the gut. And I told her
that story and she loved it and it was her that highlighted the value of
vulnerability and where sharing can take us all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So here I am, sharing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>"I know where you go to my lovely,</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>When you're alone in your bed</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>I know the thoughts that surround you</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>'Cause I can look inside your head"</i></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-50842252869328710732015-02-13T12:49:00.000+10:302015-02-13T12:49:25.788+10:30The Kiss<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xkOAZTErOQc/VN1dIx38gDI/AAAAAAAAA-Y/U_t_vLSiP40/s1600/the%2Bkiss.jpg" height="400" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="398" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Kiss, Gustav Klimt</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xkOAZTErOQc/VN1dIx38gDI/AAAAAAAAA-Y/U_t_vLSiP40/s1600/the%2Bkiss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"You’re too scared to kiss me."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He said it just like that. Plain. Simple. A
bit amused.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"No I’m not."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Yes. You are. You’re too scared to kiss me."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I was. I was so scared. Because I was
one kiss away from complete surrender and I just didn’t know if my heart was
ready to surrender to him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I knew that if I kissed him, it would hurt.
The kind of hurt that comes from feeling every feeling all at once. The kind of pain that
comes from your soul leaping from your mouth into theirs. The kind of agony
that is only felt from yearning for more. The kind of ache that sits across
your chest from holding your breath.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I knew that if I kissed him, he would know.
The deal would be done. My fate would be sealed. If I kissed that man this
woman would change. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I put my mouth on the mouth that I had
watched talk to me for what felt like years of banter, how would I recover?
That mouth that smiled at my soul. That mouth that asked all the right
questions. That mouth that told me so many things. That mouth that
millions of words had spilled out of into my mind and flooding my heart. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What if my kiss would silence him? What if
everything I knew would happen to me, didn’t happen to him? What if at the
exact moment that my heart exploded, his quieted? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh God, but what if he felt the same way?
Then what would I do? This man may love me. Really love me. And I don’t know if
I’m ready for that. And I don’t know if I’m worthy of that. A man like that
doesn’t fall in love with a woman like me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Does he? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Could he?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What would he do with that kiss? Would he
taste love? Would he fall into it or would he rack it up as another private
conquest? Should I care? It’s just a kiss and I had kissed so many others before this moment. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s just a kiss.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Except I knew that wasn’t true. This was
THE kiss. And I was terrified.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was waiting. Smiling at me with that
mouth. Seeing me with those eyes. Standing in front of me. Calm, relaxed and
knowing. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Can he read my mind? How does he know I’m
scared? Am I that obvious? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I think <i>you’re</i> too scared to kiss <i>me</i>" I
counter, stalling.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"No" he says. And I believe him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-56591623792705992372014-12-30T13:54:00.000+10:302014-12-30T13:54:12.320+10:30So long 2014...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i6G-sBa3A38/VKIXasuME_I/AAAAAAAAA90/SHAXy_JLhDA/s1600/IMG_0569.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i6G-sBa3A38/VKIXasuME_I/AAAAAAAAA90/SHAXy_JLhDA/s1600/IMG_0569.JPG" height="291" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">So it’s the end of another year and the new one is looming. This one’s
been a big one, but then they all are. My boys turned 7 and 9 blitzed it at
school. I raised a lot of money for cancer research and welcomed a new God-daughter to my family. My little sister turned 21, I had breakfast with Mark Bouris, I spent more than I earned, I danced, I laughed and I yelled. Oh, and m</span>y mother-in-law moved in with us. Let’s not speak of that. </div>
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<span lang="EN-US">I returned
to part-time work in earnest and seem to have found my happy place but it has
taken my time away from personal blogging quite a bit. Still, I managed to belt
out a few and I thought I’d put a list of the most read together for you to
read over your holidays.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/01/have-you-ever-loved-anyone-who-is.html" target="_blank">The one about loving someone who is depressed</a></div>
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<a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/01/theres-nothing-wrong-with-ordinary-life.html" target="_blank">The one where I declare there's nothing wrong with an ordinary life</a></div>
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<a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/03/and-then-he-vomited-all-over-floor.html" target="_blank">The one where Stefan vomited all over the floor</a></div>
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<a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/nearly-27-reasons-women-want-to-have-sex.html" target="_blank">The one where I come up with as many reasons as possible that women want to have sex</a></div>
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<a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/09/fakebook-vs-full-catastrophe.html" target="_blank">The one about Fakebook</a></div>
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<a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/09/what-its-like-to-love-9-year-old-boy.html" target="_blank">The one about what it's like to love a 9 year old boy</a></div>
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<a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/03/who-needs-pelvic-floor-anyway.html" target="_blank">The one about my missing pelvic floor</a></div>
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Thank you for sticking with me. I know I haven't been around much lately but I still love this gig and you too, faithful reader. I hope you have a sensational new year and I promise to write more!!</div>
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Happy New Year Seventies Babies.</div>
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Love Tan xx</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-v3rWMPyJwnA/VKIaafuN1EI/AAAAAAAAA-A/_zk2hvbgMDk/s1600/selfie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-v3rWMPyJwnA/VKIaafuN1EI/AAAAAAAAA-A/_zk2hvbgMDk/s1600/selfie.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-81621189799966514462014-11-21T13:22:00.003+10:302014-11-21T13:22:51.430+10:30An Evening With John Edward<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N5ouL8eeQVI/VG6o7gwPBPI/AAAAAAAAA9Q/UhaflQF83zc/s1600/john%2Bedwards.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N5ouL8eeQVI/VG6o7gwPBPI/AAAAAAAAA9Q/UhaflQF83zc/s1600/john%2Bedwards.jpg" height="272" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So a couple of weeks ago I went to see
psychic medium John Edward. It wasn’t my preferred way to spend a Saturday
evening but I had bought my true-believer mum two tickets for her birthday and
she insisted that I accompany her, even though I had hoped my brother would go.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was nervous in the lead up, which was
silly of course. It’s just that I was raised in a family that’s into this kind
of thing. Clairvoyants, tarot cards, astrology, superstitions and mediums are
all things the women, at least, in my family have visited, talked about or
studied. I grew up on tales of black magic and voodoo from Indonesia. My mother
will not take a knife from my hand [I have to place it on the bench and she
will take it from there] and will judge the merits of a new relationship based
on the couples’ star signs. My grandmother could ‘read’ a house and tell in an
instant if it was home to a positive or negative energy and knew every family
member’s Chinese astrological sign. The whole family could tell you earnestly
of crazy stories connecting them to loved ones who have passed and we all
believe in the soul.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I’m an almost believer. I reckon I’m
about 85% convinced that this shit is real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The other 15% is unconvinced. But then, I’m a Gemini so that makes me a
hedge-better by nature. Anyway, it’s the 85% of me that was really nervous to
go. I have seen Crossing Over so I know how John reads a crowd. There’s a lot
of questioning to a particular area in the audience with what seems like
specifics. He may say a name, a feminine/masculine energy, a cause of death or
a date and someone in that area speak up and then we’re on. Once he’s homed in
on someone he appears to become very specific with what he calls ‘validations’.
And it’s about here that a skeptic COULD be validated. The ‘specifics’ that
John reads were simultaneously spot-on and a lucky guess. That sounds weak,
even to me but it seriously swings both ways – just like my opinion on all
this.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The thing is – I WANT to believe. And
that’s ultimately the crux of it, I guess. Everyone in that audience was there because
they wanted to believe. They wanted answers. They wanted closure. Although as
John himself so eloquently put it, they – we – were there for ‘connection’ not
‘closure’. Even the obtuse man who was brought along by his wife and initially
refused to answer any of John’s quite specific and direct questions, ended up
getting more out of it than anyone else once it became apparent that John was
either truly getting messages from the bloke’s dead mother OR he was
breathtakingly talented at reading this guy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that’s what I took away from it.
Whether John Edward is indeed a psychic medium or not, he is incredibly
intelligent. His insight and empathy is so spot on that I was floored. He used
his skill [whatever you believe that may be] to counsel these people through
some horrific circumstances of grief, loss, survival and life. I was fascinated
to watch him essentially conduct a public therapy session with the members of
the audience that the dead had messages for. He knew how far to push, what
questions to ask and could deliver a piece of advice so specific to that person
that you could see the clarity rise like a dawn on their face while the rest of
us were collectively shrugging our shoulders in the international gesture of
‘huh??’ <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">John uses a great analogy for the spiritual
energy of our departed. “Think of a helicopter. While it’s stationary you can
see the blades. Once it takes off, you can no longer see them – but you know
they’re still there… a bit like the internet. You know it exists but you can’t
visit. You can’t see it. You can’t touch it. Most of us can’t even explain it.
It’s just there.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is it all for real? I still don’t know for
sure, but in my heart I feel like it is.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do you believe?</span></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-5593037400354380652014-11-07T11:12:00.000+10:302014-11-07T11:12:06.292+10:30I was raised by a single mum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NtxHpPJ8sr8/VFv86Cvl0KI/AAAAAAAAA9A/B5HBJtxcSoE/s1600/me%2Band%2Bmum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NtxHpPJ8sr8/VFv86Cvl0KI/AAAAAAAAA9A/B5HBJtxcSoE/s1600/me%2Band%2Bmum.jpg" height="267" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For most of my childhood and nearly all of
my brother’s, my mum was a single mum. Not a primary caregiver who shared
custody. Nor a parent who received maintenance payments from an absent father.
No, she was a 100%, full-time single mum who raised two children on her own.
She was the mother, the father, the disciplinarian, the breadwinner, the
cleaner, the good cop, the bad cop, the cook and the nurturer. It wasn’t an
easy life. For her or for us. But it certainly wasn’t a terrible life either. We endured
that life together and now, as adults can look back with an almost fondness in
our hearts. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Remember how poor we were Tan?” Mum would
ask, smiling. And I smile too when I answer “Yes! How could I forget?” Because
there’s something about shared struggle that really binds people and hearts.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We were a small, tight and happy family.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The simpleness of our lives, borne out of
the inherent lack of money and financial security bred intense gratitude for the
smallest things. Fillet steak for dinner on my birthday and my brother’s first
ever designer sneakers come to mind. But conversely it also developed a desire
for a greater life and a hunger for security – both emotional and financial.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I talk about my mum being a single parent a
lot. I do it because <i>I’m proud</i>. Because I <i>understand</i> just how incredibly strong
and capable a person needs to be to fulfill that role with any level of success
and competence. And I’m proud that MY mum is one of those people. I do it also because <i>I wholeheartedly believe that being raised in a single parent family
has shaped me as a woman, as a wife and as a mother</i>. Some of it in my favour
and some of it to my detriment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>As a woman I am empowered.</b></i> I know, without
any doubt, that if the shit hit the fan and our lives went to hell that I would
be able to pull us through. I believe in me and I believe in women. My mum
didn’t mean to raise me as a feminist, it was just the by-product of having
such an incredibly non-reliant, kick-arse, can-do female role model. I value
women. I value my girl friends. I value me. Seeing my mum unapologetically take
on the world lit a fire in my belly. But the flipside is I don’t value men as
much. I have a distrust of them. Though that is changing. With every year and
with every test I subconsciously set for the men in my life, but it is still
there. It’s a hard feeling to shake. Having sons helps. Watching and helping them
grow into loving, respectful and reliable young men restores my lost faith. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>As a wife I am mostly pragmatic and
demanding.</i></b> On the one hand I believe I don’t need my husband and I can do
everything without him. On the other hand, I’m terrified that he will leave and I have high </span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">expectations of him to be an active partner and father. Perhaps testing him. Perhaps
trying to convince myself that he’s a good man. Growing up I always knew I had
to ‘find a good man’. And now that I’ve got one I almost dare him to prove me
wrong. He hasn’t and the largest part of my heart knows he won’t, but the
smallest part still waits. I am heavily involved with my in-law family, grateful for
them and what they bring to our lives. I only had my mum’s side of the family
when I was growing up and though I never missed my dad’s side I am profoundly
aware of how fortunate I am to have two extended families to call my own these
days.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am far too emotionally invested in my
home. We moved quite a few times when I was a kid. There’s no family home for
me to go back to. My mum hasn’t converted my childhood bedroom into a gym.
There aren’t any marks on any walls that show how tall my brother and I grew
over the years. We were long-term renters so my dream was always to buy a big
house, fill it with kids and stay forever. I am in my forever house. Even
though it’s not sensible or affordable or even manageable at the moment. I am
in love with my house and have an unhealthy and intense feeling of security
there. Even the thought of selling it makes my stomach turn. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>As a mother I am tough. </i></b>But mostly on
myself. I want to be all things to my boys. I want to be strong and capable
like my mum. I want to teach them gratefulness by not giving them everything
but I don’t want them to ever feel hungry. I want them to learn independence
and resilience but I never want to not be there for them. I never want my work
to be more important or necessary to me than being there for them. As the only
income earner in our household, my mother’s numerous jobs were necessary to our
survival as a family. It meant she was away from us a lot. Even as kids we
understood that but we shouldn’t have had to and I don’t want that for my boys.
I <i>expect</i> them to appreciate the privileged life they live, though they know no
other life. I struggle with my absolute maternal need to give them the life I didn’t have and my fear that I am robbing them of ever understanding the
value of disadvantage. So I am tough and contradictory. I sacrifice overseas
holidays, designer clothes and new cars to send them to a private school but refuse to succumb to
spoiling them with the latest technology, gadgets and toys. I tell them that our
family and our home are the most important things in the world. I tell them
that my main job as their mum is to help them get through life with their health and
their heart and their happiness. <i>I tell them these things in words </i>because I’m
not confident that they will work it out themselves and I need them to know these things. <i>I tell them they’re lucky
and I tell them I’m lucky too.</i> Because if you hear it enough times, you begin to believe it. I tell them what a good man their dad is and I
show them that I love him and he shows them that he loves me. We don’t hide our
arguments from them. We tell them that it is ok to argue with someone you love.
It is safe. Family can disagree and still be family. Together. I want my boys to always know
the feeling of security. Emotional, spiritual and financial.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>I love the woman I am today.</i> It took many
years to love her and to understand her but all my resilience and insecurity
and contradiction combined makes sense to me now. And it all fell into place
when I realised that I had it wrong. Coming from a single parent family was not something bad that happened to me. <i>It was a gift</i> and a life-long lesson in family, love, strength, self, vulnerability, courage and choice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>Being raised by my single mum was the best
thing that ever happened to me.</i></b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6840069627901820387.post-26921865714490194262014-09-23T10:15:00.000+09:302014-09-23T10:15:47.475+09:30Fakebook vs The Full Catastrophe<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BMJyG3996Qg/VCDAlMy5P2I/AAAAAAAAA8w/8Azz4jRl_tQ/s1600/may-your-life-one-day-be-as-awesome.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BMJyG3996Qg/VCDAlMy5P2I/AAAAAAAAA8w/8Azz4jRl_tQ/s1600/may-your-life-one-day-be-as-awesome.jpg" height="230" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Imagine we’re friends and I’ve invited you
to my place for dinner. Because I don’t want to appear fake and life-shame you
somehow, the dinner table conversation plays out like this:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Here’s some snags and some bread. We’ve
run out of butter but just put some sauce on it and it should be fine. I was
going to buy steak, but we had a really high electricity bill this quarter so
we can’t afford it. Excuse my pjs. I’m having a shit day and couldn’t be arsed
getting dressed. I know that you won’t mind though – no airs and graces for
you! <i>Just keeping it real.</i> Isn’t your son so well behaved? I’d love for him to
be able to play with my sons but they’re both in a time-out in their bedroom
‘cause they refused to pick their toys up off the lawn and are now refusing to
talk because they hate their family. Oh and my husband was planning to be here
but we had a fight this morning and he doesn’t really like you much anyway so
he’s gone to Bunnings. Pardon? You’d like to use the toilet? Of course! But
don’t sit on the seat. I haven’t had a chance to wipe the piss off.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When you invite people over for dinner,
don’t you clean the house? Don’t you wear something nice and cook something
delicious? Do you serve it on a lovely, set table with some matching [or
purposely mismatched] serviettes? Haven’t we always shared our ‘highlight
reel’? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m so tired of hearing people complain
about other people only ever sharing their ‘highlight reel’ on social media.
What is so wrong with it and why do they care?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Seriously people. Our whole fucking life is
a highlight reel. It’s called manners. And discretion. There are only a handful
people that see the whole catastrophe of my family life. I have 300 friends on
Facebook. I don’t bullshit to them but I also don’t tell them about every
shitty part of my life. Nor would I tell someone that I hardly know if I caught
up with them at a party. “So nice to see you again Tania! It’s been ages – how
are things?” “Oh y’know – pretty shit. Motherhood does my head in. We don’t
have enough money to do anything. My kids have got attitude. My husband is
stressed all the time and I’ve put on 8 kilos in the last 12 months. But enough
about me - how about you?” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve shared before that I, happily, <a href="http://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com.au/2014/01/theres-nothing-wrong-with-ordinary-life.html" target="_blank">live a very ordinary life</a>. I think that’s cool and I’m authentic in all my online
antics but there’s also some stuff that’s not <b>just</b> mine to share. I’m married
and, believe it or not, we have our challenges. But whilst I’m a chronic
over-sharer, my husband is the complete antithesis. It’s not up to me to air
our sometimes dirty laundry to all and sundry in an attempt to share my life
‘warts and all’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My kids throw tantrums.
I argue with my mum. My house is often in disarray which often matches my hair.
Sometimes the frypan that I cooked dinner in on Monday is still sitting, dirty
on the stove top on Thursday. Sometimes I cook wholesome, organic, from-scratch
family meals and sometimes I wipe that dirty fry pan and whip up a sausage
sizzle for dinner. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m normal. Just like you are. But I’m not
obligated to share every ‘normal’ part of my life with everyone I’m connected
to, to avoid some sort of social media misconception. I am not responsible for
your feelings of guilt. Just as you [or anyone] is responsible for mine. This
whole business of people feeling worse about themselves because of the
‘highlight reels’ their social media friends dare to share online drives me
nuts. Would these same people be pissed off if every time they were invited to
someone’s house that the kids were on their best behavior and the house was
tidy and the host couple seemed to genuinely enjoy each other’s company in
their new outfits? Would they leave that house believing that their host’s
intention was to prove to them how much better they were at ‘life’ than their
guests. Would they leave feeling shamed and offended that their hosts had dared
to be so ‘fake’?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There just seems to be someone pissed off
about someone else’s use of social media every fucking day. What does anybody care?
If I only ever show myself looking gorgeous with my gifted and talented
children while my flawless husband is off hunting and gathering when he’s not
cooking the perfect bbq – who cares? Do they <i>need</i> to see behind the scenes? What
makes people think any of that is about them? What makes people think that me showing
only the awesome bits of my life is shaming their life? Maybe all us hateful
fakebookers are sharing the ‘highlight reel’ as an exercise in gratitude. You
know, that there are positive parts of our otherwise normal, boring, messy lives.
Or maybe it just doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else at all. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You know what shits me? Breakfast updates
and some trending awareness campaign that shows up a million times in my
newsfeed and pictures of cats and stupid passive aggressive vague updates and any
story about the Kardashians. But do I care? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nope. I just scroll past and get on with my
sometimes awesome life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>And I think that’s what we all should do.</i></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
TANhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01867274070880905527noreply@blogger.com0