Hosting The Double Playdate

I’m half way through the first week of the school holidays. The winter school holidays. I’m also at the end of an all day double playdate. A double playdate is one where each of my boys has one of their friends over. That’s four boys under ten in my house that I work from home from. Are you on board the train to hell yet?

Of course, I didn’t make these arrangements by accident. I thought them out and stupidly idiotically naïvely thought it would be EASIER having playmates for my kids. So then I could continue to work from home while they entertained themselves. Oh, don’t worry. I can see you shaking your head from here.

It’s not like the entire day was hell. There were moments of sheer glory. When each son played quietly in their respective bedrooms with their mates. Lego and Test Match Cricket kept them entertained for about 45 minutes each. They did a bit of ball kicking outside and there were the PS4 sessions which peppered the day and thankfully didn’t consume it.

But kids these days [oh FFS, did I actually just say that??] don’t cope with boredom too well. And in the down times they were stuck. And every time they got stuck they gravitated to a screen. And I wanted to scream. Which of course I couldn’t because we had outsiders in the house. Outsiders whose mums undoubtedly DON’T scream and probably smile with amusement when their kids complain that they’re bored and come up with some interesting activity that grows their kids’ brains or something.

So I went all ‘perfect mother’ on their bored arses and serenely suggested they ‘go outside’… “go have some fun boys! Kick the ball or play basketball or climb a tree!”

And eight eyes were rolled. And four of them looked apologetic and possibly even dismayed that those words came out of THEIR mum’s head. I can just imagine what the outsiders said when they got home. “It was ok Mum but their mum told us to go outside. In the winter – who does that?”

So they did go outside for a while and then they moped around from room to room trying to come up with an idea to stop the boredom. Because life is so boring. This life which is full of board games and ball games and friendships. And I tried to ignore them and not intervene with my ridiculous suggestions. At one point I heard one of the outsiders ask one of my boys “So what do you usually do?” and I strained to listen to the answer because I wanted to know too…

Back in my day [yes, I'm going there] kids would just rock up at their friend's houses. There were no playdates and there were no activities. There were just mates hanging out in each other's space. If that got boring you'd head out into the street to see who else was around and then there'd be a posse of bored kids. Which, just quietly, didn't always end well... if you catch my drift! The point is, you sorted shit out yourself. If I ever had the balls to whinge to Mum that me and friends were bored she'd make us weed the garden! 

I had one activity totally worked out for them. If you have sons then you will know that they could fill their entire day simply with eating so I covered that off. Fruit and lollies and homemade pizza and hotdogs and juices and popcorn and donuts. All the essential boy food groups were covered. But boys tend to inhale food, on the run so that filled up about an hour, in total, of their day. Or should I say, ‘our’ day.

They worked it out in the end. They made a game that involved all four of them. One person had to hide a small ball and the rest of them had to find it. Sounds pretty cool huh? Yep. Except that the game is played INSIDE and part of the rules seemed to be that while you were searching for the small ball you all had to scream. That’s four boys SCREAMING in my house and it took all my efforts to NOT tell them to use their ‘inside voices’ or ‘go outside’ or say anything at all to discourage the game because I was pretty happy that they had done almost exactly what I had hoped. They made up their own game, inclusive of everyone that didn’t involve a screen. Just a whole lot of fucking SCREAM.

Of course all attempts to work at that time had became entirely futile. Because they were screaming and running around the house in socks on hard floors and there are corners on all the furniture and doorways and no matter how hard I try to remember I constantly forget that my kids aren’t toddlers anymore. So I wiped the kitchen benches multiple times while smiling and gently reminding the boys to ‘take it easy’ and ‘slow down’ and ‘watch your head’ as they zoomed past me in laps.

A hundred times that day, I wondered why I did it. And then our guests were gone and so was the noise and the boys were tired and so grateful.

And it all made sense.

Are you into hosting playdates?

The Mercy Rule

Last week I received an email regarding my 10 year old sons’ school AFL football competition.

“If a team is 8 goals or more in front at half time the mercy rule will apply. Therefore this means the team 8 goals or more in front at half time has won the match and the last half will then be regarded as a scratch match. The dominant team will also be expected to swap 2-4 players with the other team for the third quarter and 2-4 players for the final quarter."

I was incredulous when I read it and so I do what I often do these days when I’m not sure about something, and put it out to my Facebook peeps. Now, let me just say at this point that if you have not yet liked the Seventies Baby Facebook page then you are missing out. Not only am I hilarious, this little community is incredible. And this online debate is a perfect example of the calibre of people that are part of it.

So, as I was saying – I was really surprised that such a rule was being implemented. It just didn’t seem right to me. Just like the decision that junior teams of all sports don’t score their games, so that there is no winner or loser. None of that makes sense to me.

But I wasn’t totally convinced it was a shit idea either. Here’s a snapshot of how the discussion went down:

FOR 

Angie : Junior leagues have used that rule for many years now. It was introduced to prevent children losing interest in football and relieving the negative feelings children can have towards sports when they are constantly defeated by large margins. At such a young age, kids should be encouraged to feel the joy of playing team sport, not segregated into winners and losers. I fully support the rule. As they get older, the rule will no longer apply. It all about learning how to be a part of a team and working together, even if it means helping out the other side so a game can continue to be played and the kids to have fun and exercise.

Linda : When they are in junior leagues they are playing to develop skills, knowledge and sportsmanship. Nothing speaks more highly of sportsmanship than the mercy rule, which recognises that there was a winning team without beating the crap out of them. It is demoralising and counter productive to young players and their interest if they are flogged, especially if it teams repeatedly flogged. You have to remember I junior levels there is such a variety of sizes and ages that it is not a level playing field in any respect at all. I think the mercy rule teaches respect when winning and helps players stay focussed on the game and not just on winning at all costs. As a junior level coach I highly support this rule.

Ilka : I have seen both sides - ice hockey where my son is on good teams and often winning by lots and soccer where he just started playing and has mostly lost, sometimes by huge margins. It is totally disheartening to kids to be beaten by 8 goals or more in any sport. With the 'mercy rule' they still know they've lost but they can finish the game with some positive feelings, improve their skills playing with better players and learn about being good sports. Translate this to life - do you want your kids to totally hammer others who are not as good at them in work, education. . And walk off the field triumphant in how much better they are, or to play hard, win well, and bring others along?

AGAINST 

Elizabeth : Not a fan - no incentive to be better and I think it would actually humiliate and demoralise the other team more than just letting them lose. Here, you're so crap that we need to replace you with a better player for the rest of the game.

Adrienne : We get world class surgeons, chefs, scientists, etc because some people are built to strive beyond the norm - how do they learn how to do this if everything is 'fair'? Kids also need to learn how to work out what they are good at so they can pursue those things and excel at them - they have much better lives if they are exceptional at some things rather than being mediocre at everything (or falsely believing they are exceptional at everything because their parents have told them they are). As a youth worker and teacher I see young people every day with no ambition because either they believe there is no benefit to success (you get the same outcome no matter how good you are) or they already think they know everything because they have never failed at anything. We need to teach them it is ok to fail, so they keep on trying and don't give up on things at the first hurdle. Remember Thomas Edison!

Rebekah : Ridiculous coddling behaviour, the upcoming generations are going to reach adulthood without any real experience learning to deal with disappointment. We all feel bad for our kids when they lose or don't do well at something, but teaching them that when things aren't going well people will take it easy on you is setting them up for a rude shock - isn't part of childhood learning the life skills necessary to function as an adult? Seems to me that kids are being robbed of the chance to deal with negative emotions when the stakes aren't as high... how will these generations cope when they lose their job, house or don't get what they want in life? ...personal bugbear of mine if you couldn't tell lol

See how impressive the Seventies Baby community is? I mean seriously. I love the time everyone took to share their thoughts and I especially love the respect. Because grown-ups know that it’s ok to have a different opinion.

Ultimately, both sides of the fence have developed their opinions based on what they believe will achieve the best outcome for well-adjusted, non-arsehole adults. I’m so impressed.

And as for my opinion? Well… the jury is still out. I see merit on both sides of the fence but then I am a long-time fence sitter.

My son has also been in both camps. Last year his team was the kind of team you see in movies which would attract a tough, unorthodox coach to swoop in and take the losers to victory in a nail-biting final. They were pretty shit and they were annihilated NEARLY every week... but every win was so sweet! They got through that season by celebrating good quarters, even in games they lost, in lieu of winning entire matches. This year their game is very strong but last year’s losing form is never far from their minds.

The thing I can’t shake is the accidental lesson we may be teaching our young folk by supporting the mercy rule. And that is one of ‘giving up’. There’s a message that ‘you’re not good enough to finish this game’ that comes with that rule. In a game of Aussie Rules football, it’s completely achievable to score eight goals in two quarters. My feeling is that by stopping official play at that half-time mark because one team is so far ahead [or behind, depending on your perspective] may actually be counterproductive to the losing team. “Don’t bother trying any more – there’s NO WAY you can recover”

If that rule was in play last year, there may have been many strong quarters our boys missed out on celebrating. And this year they may not have bothered trying at all.

What are your thoughts on the Mercy Rule?