I have a little sister. And when I say she’s little I mean
she’s 20 years littler than me. I can hear you screaming ‘ACCIDENT!’ but she
was planned and the reason is simpler than you may think. My dad died young. My
mum remarried. Enter Little Miss PIMA [pain in my arse].
I was the same age as my mum when she had me when Pima was born
so my role in her life is one part sister, one part friend and two parts mum.
Oh, and twenty seven parts exasperation.
Pima is about to turn 20 which means that as well as having
two young sons, I have also spent the last 7 years with a teenage girl under my
wing. In my every-day thoughts. Front of mind and under my skin. And I have had
the joy of NOT being her mum.
We talk a lot. Sometimes too much. We talk on the phone. We
text. We Facebook. We hang out. It’s a relationship high in maintenance, for
sure, but rich in reward. Which is not altogether limited to having an amazing,
trustworthy and reliable babysitter on hand.
The real reward is in my opportunity to mentor a young woman
in today’s world.
It keeps me aware and relevant and stretches my thinking and
challenges my knee jerk compulsion to judge. I draw on my own life experiences.
My own mistakes. My own successes, fears, dreams and ideals. And from there – I
counsel.
Stay at University little sister
No, you cannot have a gap year. No, you cannot defer. No,
you cannot change direction mid degree. You will finish. You will pass. You
will thank me later.
Stay away from anything you can smoke, little sister
Keep your lungs fresh and your mind healthy. That's all.
Keep your legs crossed, little sister
My generation got all confused about sexual empowerment. We
thought it was cool and grown up and enlightened to sleep with who we wanted,
when we wanted. We thought it would make us grow and show how liberated we
were. We didn’t give enough thought to how that would play out once we actually
did meet the ‘love of our life’ or when we became mums or when we joined the
parent community of our son’s private catholic school... or so I’ve heard.
Anyway, there’s no hurry. Hold off. Don't compromise. Don't believe that 'friends with benefits' is anything other than a crappy Hollywood movie. Wait for a while when you meet someone new. Maybe he's 'the one' in which case you can wait and if he's not, then don't bother. You’ll have plenty of years and plenty of options and
just quietly you won’t reach your prime ‘til you’re in your thirties anyway.
Don’t ink your body yet, little sister
Wait, wait. Wait until you know what you believe in and know
who you are. Live in your body a bit longer before you stain it with a cliché
that means more to your friends on instagram than you.
Love yourself, little sister
You are bright and gorgeous and smart and honest. You sparkle
when you smile and you snort when you laugh. You are healthy. You are a woman.
Your body is beautiful. Now. When you were skinnier. When you get fatter. It’s YOUR
body. If you love it, taking care of it will be easy. Be comfortable in your
gorgeous skin. Be true to your earnest heart. And for fucks sake, pluck your
eyebrows.
Be proud to be a woman, little sister
Remember when you were so excited to find your first pubic
hair [or was that me?]. It was exciting because it heralded the beginning of
your journey into womanhood. Women have pubic hair. Prepubescent girls don’t. Strippers
don’t. Sex workers don’t. Real men like their women to look like women. Don’t
be sucked into this craze that makes you feel dirty or unclean to look like a
woman. I read somewhere that there are
some boys of your generation who have never seen a woman with pubic hair and
feel ‘repulsed’ at the mere thought of it. Do not date those boys. I will be
forced to hold them down and wax their balls and arse myself. Keep your hair
down there.
Love your Mum, little sister
I know she’s annoying. I know she doesn’t seem to ‘get it’.
I know she doesn’t let you sleep in or have boys in your room or like you
drinking. I know. She’s my Mum too. The thing is, when you get older, you’ll
realise she was right about sooooo many things. Boys, friends, fashion
mistakes, husbands. Your Mum is cool. When she’s not being embarrassing.
Be yourself always, little sister
I know that’s hard. I know you struggle. It comes with the
territory. I know you don’t know who you are yet. That’s ok. Be yourself today.
And tomorrow be yourself then. If you get confused, come to me. I will remind
you of who you are. I will help you see who I see.
Be grateful, little sister
The world does not owe you, despite what your generation
thinks. Be grateful for your gifts of health and intellect and freedom and
love. Use your gifts to make a difference. To matter. Start with your family. When
you’ve got that right, move on to your friends. Once you’ve got the hang of it,
the world is yours to make a change. Do not waste your youth and opportunity in
a life unlived, unexplored or unappreciated.
Stop using hashtags, little sister
We have a language. It’s called English. Use it. Spell out
the words. Use a pen and write the words. Send someone a real card in the mail
one day. Words are beautiful. They’re long and descriptive and evoke emotion.
Stop abbreviating. It drives me nuts.
Laugh out loud, little sister
Actually live in the moment. You do only live once. Make it
worth it. And don’t fuck your life.
Listen to me, little sister
I’ve lived your years. I’ve known your struggles. I recognise
your fears. I’ve made [some of] your mistakes. Learn from me. Lean on me. I love
you more than you love yourself at the moment. It’s just the way it is with
girls. Let me guide you. All I ask in return is that when you become an amazing,
love-yourself, authentic woman... you pay it forward.
Oh, and I still need you to babysit.
Love your totes awesome sister and #bff in the whole world,
Tan x
