Imagine we’re friends and I’ve invited you
to my place for dinner. Because I don’t want to appear fake and life-shame you
somehow, the dinner table conversation plays out like this:
“Here’s some snags and some bread. We’ve
run out of butter but just put some sauce on it and it should be fine. I was
going to buy steak, but we had a really high electricity bill this quarter so
we can’t afford it. Excuse my pjs. I’m having a shit day and couldn’t be arsed
getting dressed. I know that you won’t mind though – no airs and graces for
you! Just keeping it real. Isn’t your son so well behaved? I’d love for him to
be able to play with my sons but they’re both in a time-out in their bedroom
‘cause they refused to pick their toys up off the lawn and are now refusing to
talk because they hate their family. Oh and my husband was planning to be here
but we had a fight this morning and he doesn’t really like you much anyway so
he’s gone to Bunnings. Pardon? You’d like to use the toilet? Of course! But
don’t sit on the seat. I haven’t had a chance to wipe the piss off.”
When you invite people over for dinner,
don’t you clean the house? Don’t you wear something nice and cook something
delicious? Do you serve it on a lovely, set table with some matching [or
purposely mismatched] serviettes? Haven’t we always shared our ‘highlight
reel’?
I’m so tired of hearing people complain
about other people only ever sharing their ‘highlight reel’ on social media.
What is so wrong with it and why do they care?
Seriously people. Our whole fucking life is
a highlight reel. It’s called manners. And discretion. There are only a handful
people that see the whole catastrophe of my family life. I have 300 friends on
Facebook. I don’t bullshit to them but I also don’t tell them about every
shitty part of my life. Nor would I tell someone that I hardly know if I caught
up with them at a party. “So nice to see you again Tania! It’s been ages – how
are things?” “Oh y’know – pretty shit. Motherhood does my head in. We don’t
have enough money to do anything. My kids have got attitude. My husband is
stressed all the time and I’ve put on 8 kilos in the last 12 months. But enough
about me - how about you?”
I’ve shared before that I, happily, live a very ordinary life. I think that’s cool and I’m authentic in all my online
antics but there’s also some stuff that’s not just mine to share. I’m married
and, believe it or not, we have our challenges. But whilst I’m a chronic
over-sharer, my husband is the complete antithesis. It’s not up to me to air
our sometimes dirty laundry to all and sundry in an attempt to share my life
‘warts and all’. My kids throw tantrums.
I argue with my mum. My house is often in disarray which often matches my hair.
Sometimes the frypan that I cooked dinner in on Monday is still sitting, dirty
on the stove top on Thursday. Sometimes I cook wholesome, organic, from-scratch
family meals and sometimes I wipe that dirty fry pan and whip up a sausage
sizzle for dinner.
I’m normal. Just like you are. But I’m not
obligated to share every ‘normal’ part of my life with everyone I’m connected
to, to avoid some sort of social media misconception. I am not responsible for
your feelings of guilt. Just as you [or anyone] is responsible for mine. This
whole business of people feeling worse about themselves because of the
‘highlight reels’ their social media friends dare to share online drives me
nuts. Would these same people be pissed off if every time they were invited to
someone’s house that the kids were on their best behavior and the house was
tidy and the host couple seemed to genuinely enjoy each other’s company in
their new outfits? Would they leave that house believing that their host’s
intention was to prove to them how much better they were at ‘life’ than their
guests. Would they leave feeling shamed and offended that their hosts had dared
to be so ‘fake’?
There just seems to be someone pissed off
about someone else’s use of social media every fucking day. What does anybody care?
If I only ever show myself looking gorgeous with my gifted and talented
children while my flawless husband is off hunting and gathering when he’s not
cooking the perfect bbq – who cares? Do they need to see behind the scenes? What
makes people think any of that is about them? What makes people think that me showing
only the awesome bits of my life is shaming their life? Maybe all us hateful
fakebookers are sharing the ‘highlight reel’ as an exercise in gratitude. You
know, that there are positive parts of our otherwise normal, boring, messy lives.
Or maybe it just doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else at all.
You know what shits me? Breakfast updates
and some trending awareness campaign that shows up a million times in my
newsfeed and pictures of cats and stupid passive aggressive vague updates and any
story about the Kardashians. But do I care?
Nope. I just scroll past and get on with my
sometimes awesome life.
And I think that’s what we all should do.
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