In previous, younger years, I made new year
resolutions with gusto. Of course they were virtuous and admirable and ridiculous. Now that I’m
older and the number of fucks I give has hit an all-time low I am very happy to
announce that I will not be making any of these, previously broken, new year resolutions.
1. I will not drink so much
Well that’s utter bullshit. If this year is
anything last year I will drink just as much. If not more. I may aim for more
than one alcohol free day a week… or maybe a fortnight. Oh who am I kidding? I am writing this on New Year’s Day, sitting
by the pool drinking a Rosso Antico on ice. Life is too short and stressful for
AFDs and I’m certainly not going to start the year with one.
2. I will exercise more
Ummm… I know I should be doing this. I
know. But I have actually made and broken that resolution every year for the
last two decades. I’m not so much well-intentioned than just a flat-out liar.
If exercise means I will spend more time window-shopping and increasing my
typing fitness then maybe.
3. I will not swear so much
Fuck. That. Shit
4. I will cut down on caffeine
Bitch please. I did that twice in my
life. And both times I was growing a person in my guts. Ever since I pushed
those people out I’ve been exhausted so I think I have done my caffeine-free
time.
5. I will quit sugar
No I won’t. I will not quit sugar. Not this
year, not any year. I simply can’t quit sugar. It’s in my wine which I’m not giving up
and I like my coffee strong and sweet – just how I like my men BTW.
6. I will lose weight
Hello? Have you read a word I’ve
written? I’m not going to exercise, I like my daily coffees sweet and my wine
plentiful. Unless I have another body part removed, I can’t see me reducing
weight any time soon.
I tell you what I will do. I will continue
to not give a fuck. I will continue to write. I will continue to be the best
friend, wife, mother, daughter and sister I can be. I will continue to find
contentment in the smallest things [because I’m too lazy to search for
something more]. I will continue to feel good things about myself and the
decisions I’ve made. I will continue to follow my [expanding!] gut. I will
continue.
So Happy New Year.
Have you made any
resolutions that you’re planning to break?
