I'm finally ready to admit that I'm a Mean Mum. I'm already having conversations that involve "Why can't we Mum, so and so is allowed to?" and "If I promise to do this, can I have that?" and "But Mum - EVERYONE'S got one!"
I know you're dying to know what tipped me off. Well here's the list. Challenge me if you will.
We do not have a Wii or a Playstation or a DS of any denomination or a Nintendo thingy or even Foxtel. My boys are allowed to play a couple of Mean-Mum-Approved [MMA] on-line games on the weekends ONLY and we let them play MMA games on our iPhones if we're out somewhere and need them occupied. Otherwise it's an MMA movie off the USB, ABC 2&3, reading, colouring or playing outside. Apparently we're the ONLY household without any of those things. Unfortunately for my kids, the more I hear that - the stronger my resolve.
I'm not an animal person. They smell. They dribble. They fart. They need food. They whine. They shit. They're like babies without a nappy. There will not be a pet in this household until the kids can look after it and since they still don't wipe their own arse properly, that could be years. This includes fish, birds, crabs and all other suggestions. If it needs to be fed and its house cleaned, it's not welcome here.
I cannot stand kids who sook. Toughen up princess. Don't come whining to me that you hurt yourself jumping off the top of the swing set. Of course you did. It's called gravity. The sooner you work that out the better. It also hurts when you fall of your bike. When someone takes a 'speccy' off your back. When you jump from bed to bed and miss. When you start a fight with your brother. When you yell at your mother. Actions and consequences son.
Get outside and do something. Run. Ride. Kick a ball. Play tennis. Swim. Climb a tree. Jump on the trampoline. Skate. Play basketball. Play chasey. Jump off the swing set. If you can't find anything to do outside then I will and you can choose from washing my car, raking the leaves or weeding the vegetable garden. You're young and you're fit and if you're not that would be my fault and that's not gonna happen on my watch. Thankfully, because I'm anti technology, there's not much to do INSIDE so it's not too hard to get them outside. See what I did there??
Anti tuck shop
I've got this thing that kids don't need to be spending money on crap food except for the Royal Show... and even then I'm mean. I grew up in a single parent household with a mum that worked three jobs so there was never any time for a packed lunch. I was so envious of what my other friends brought and I swore I wouldn't send my kids to school with a lunch order. 3 years in and I'm still resisting. It's cheaper and it's better for them. You know they're not buying an apple at the tuck shop right?
Anti pocket money
What the hell are they doing to earn pocket money? Being a good boy? Making their own bed? Having good table manners? Bringing in the bins? They are family expectations in my opinion. I expect them to contribute to this family and this household. I'm not going to PAY them for it. What value could that seriously be teaching them? No. Not paying them until they do something over and above what it expected of them living in a family unit.
I can't stand lying kids. Mine try it on every now and then. It does not go down well... and mum always finds out. Lying includes fibbing, white lies, lying by omission, half truths and however else you want to dress it up. I've done PLENTY of lying in my life. In fact, I'm quite the expert at it so I can tell a mile away when someone's giving it a go. There will be time enough in their life for them to learn the nuances of having a filter and keeping some stuff to themselves. BUT while they're young and still learning and without the maturity to discern that telling your mum you don't like it when she licks a tissue to clean your face because it smells yucky is probably best unsaid... a zero tolerance policy is where I stand.
Well... do you concur and would you like to sign up as a Mean Mum Member too?