Thursday, 17 September 2015

My Week With a Mitsi


Last week my friends at Mitsubishi let me take their latest ASX to test drive. I had done some work with them through my REAL job and made such a song and dance about how much I loved the car that they thought I should get up and close and personal with it, if I wanted.

Um. Yes. I wanted.

So I picked it up on Monday and gushed and got all excited ‘cause I haven’t driven a new car for about nine years and even though this wasn’t a sponsored post I had grand plans of sharing some escapades. Just for some fun.

But then the universe reminded me that I’m a mum. And I’m not allowed to have fun.

The youngest was home sick with me for the rest of the week and he was clingier than glad wrap. I went nowhere in those days, except for the doctor. The weekend was full of me babysitting my godson and attending children’s parties and an incredibly exciting grand final game of football for my victorious eldest which kept me close to home. No escapades then either. But that’s cool. Once I palmed off the kids on Monday I had BIG plans. Tunes, coffee in the hills and my selfie stick.

Except on Sunday night, gastro came to visit my eldest boy and I spent the ENTIRE night up with him. How much chuck can a ten year old chuck if a ten year old could chuck, chuck?? Fuck. Me.

So on Monday I was in a walking coma. And clearly wasn’t driving anywhere.

Tuesday was better but I had shitloads of work to catch up on after the 24 hour spew-fest so I didn’t leave the house except to walk the youngest to school.

Wednesday was the day I needed to return the sexy beast and I decided I would at least take it for a quick fang up the freeway to see how the baby handles. And then I saw it. Some bastard had EGGED THE MITSI!

Who even does that? What a waste of an egg.

It took me TWENTY MINUTES and a whole lot of elbow grease to get that hardened shit off the car. So now I only had 45 minutes left until my scheduled return. No coffee in the hills then.

Ever the optimist, I cranked that stereo [digital radio, yes please], opened the sky roof and drove like I was single, young and on the run.

I hit a comfortable 100kms on the outside lane of the freeway and was just settling in to my micro road trip when the unthinkable happened.

A mother duck was shepherding her five little ducklings across my lane.

What the what now??? Is this shit happening? So the song is true. Five little ducks really did go out one day…

And you know those ducklings were just not listening don’t you? Oh I felt Mother Duck’s pain. I could almost hear her quacking “Stop fighting! You have to waddle quicker. You’re going the wrong way. There’s a car coming! Hurry up! Do you want a peck? You’re going the wrong way! FFS - THERE’S A CAR COMING!!!! Where the fuck is your father?”

So I did what any fellow mother of the sisterhood would do. I checked my rearview mirror to make sure the lane was clear and I stopped my car. At 100kms. On the freeway. And Mother Duck looked me in the eye with a barely perceptible nod which I mirrored. In solidarity. We’ve ALL been there Mother Duck.

Continuing on my way I hit the Heysen Tunnels and sexy beast says ‘You’ve already got too many things on your mind, I got this’ and just turns the headlights on for me. Automatically. Love it.

I hit picturesque Stirling and then make my way back. I’m gunning it on the freeway on-ramp, because you all know it’s there so you can hit the freeway at the right speed right? And I am at the required speed to enter and the lane is free and just as I hit the broken line which indicates the END of the on-ramp some fuckhead motorist decides to switch lanes. Into that free lane. Just as I’m about to enter. And THEN has the audacity to beep and flash ME for trying to do so. What is wrong with people??? This is how road rage happens. I was raging. On the road.

So I have to enter the freeway from basically 10kms p/h and get to it 100kms p/h in about 3 seconds flat. I had the pedal ON the floor and Sexy Beast was not happy, but came up with the goods anyway. Thanks Sexy Beast and I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings when I was screaming at you to ‘GO! Fucking go!’ I was stressed.

But then I was calm again and the tunes were playing and the sky was passing by above me and the car really handles well. It's smooth and new and the sky was above me and the speakers were working and my bum was toasty warm because of the carseat warmers. Oh yes. Sexy Beast has ALL the bells and whistles. It uses almost NO petrol. Or maybe that was me. 'Cause I didn't bloody drive it anywhere...

I was sad to return to it but loved the time I had and the boys were pretty chuffed that I was driving a Mitsubishi and told ALL the kids and teachers at school. Just so they could say ‘It’s a Mitsi’ over and over and OVER again. 

Well played Mitsubishi.

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